


The Time when Ferret Junmyeon was Really Hot

by confirmed_kyungsoosmegahunkyabs



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Chanyeol is a Furry, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Ferret Kinks, M/M, Magic, OT12 - Freeform, Other, Transformation, but like, whats new
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-01-31 19:10:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12688443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/confirmed_kyungsoosmegahunkyabs/pseuds/confirmed_kyungsoosmegahunkyabs
Summary: That time when the leader of EXO was turned into a ferret.Or Alternatively; that time when Kim Junmyeon turned into a ferret, Kris realises his feelings for Junmyeon, Kyungsoo almost got away with killing Baekhyun and the rest of this fucking band, and Chanyeol almost died and then sort of fell in love with Junmyeon.





	1. Junmyeon?

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this shitty meme that my friend sent me in 2015

When Kris woke up this morning, he knew things were different. Why? the dorms were suspiciously quiet. Usually, by now Tao would be in his room trying to climb into his bed, to get five more minutes, after being woken up by Jongdae and Luhan, yelling “RISE AND SHINE WHINEY BOY” after being woken up by Yixing after his morning run with Minseok, who was woken up by Junmyeon. And then Kyungsoo would be yelling about getting up and having breakfast, after being woken up and helped by Junmyeon, waking up Baekhyun who would wake up Chanyeol. Then Sehun and Jongin would come stumbling into the room, after Junmyeon softly wakes them from their slumber, to drag out the third maknae mumbling something about Junmyeon-hyung wanting them to come to breakfast. 

But this morning, there was nothing. The dorms were quiet. Kris sat up and rubbed his eyes. He walked out of his room and found the dorms empty, everyone was still sleeping. He glanced at his phone, it is 9:30, a major sleep in for the band. Where the fuck was everyone? He thinks about the process and where everything went wrong in the system that they had. His mind landed on Junmyeon. He is the first up and gets the band working, so where the fuck was he? He starts his way down the corridor, banging on every door yelling gruffly “Get up! We’re late.”, before landing on Junmyeon’s door. He pauses for a second before knocking,  
“Yo.” He flushes a bit. “Uh, Junmyeon are you in there?” he gets no reply. 

The band starts emerging from their rooms. 

“Kris?” Minseok’s door opens next to him. Minseok peaks out “Why are you up? Where’s Junmyeon?”  
“Hyung, it's like nine thirty.”  
Surprise passes over Minseok’s cute face then is replaced by worry. He pushes past Kris and bangs on Junmyeon’s door. “Junmyeon-ah. Are you alright?” The eldest member gets the same response that Kris got. “Junmyeon-ah? Are you in there?” The knocking doesn’t appear to wake up Junmyeon, but it does the rest of the band.  
Sehun stumbles out of his room “Kris Hyung?” he rubs his face a groan “Where’s Jun-Hyung?” He glares at Kris, “I like Jun-Hyung better.”  
Minseok knocks on the door again “Junmyeonnie? Can you open the door?” Luhan stumbles out  
“Minnie,” he whines. “Can you come back to bed?” He tugs on his boyfriend's shirt.  
“Han did Junmyeon tell you he would be going out this morning?”  
Luhan thinks about it for a second. “no… I think he was making plans to cook omelettes with Soo this morning.”  
Kyungsoo opens the door at the sound of his name, “Whats going on?”  
Sehun stops grumbling, “Kris hyung… where is Jun-Hyung?”  
Kris looks back at the door. He bangs on the door again, “Junmyeon open the door.” he has his commanding leader voice on, bringing the rest of the band to the hallway. 

“Junmyeon-hyung?”  
“Whats going on?”  
“Jun hyung won’t open his door.”  
“What do you mean?”

“Junmyeon, I’m coming in.” Kris announces as he shoves open the door. He is met by an empty room. He quickly turns around scanning the room for the smaller leader. “Junmyeon? are you in here?” Nothing.  
Minseok peers in the room, “Whats going on Kris?”  
“He’s not in here.” Kris starts opening cupboard looking for Junmyeon.  
Tao, who is peering over Luhan’s shoulder, squeaks. “Jun-ge has run away!?”  
“Don’t be stupid,” Kyungsoo snaps, but his face shows worry not anger, “he’s probably gone out for food or something.”  
Yixing pets Taos back.  
“What do you mean ‘he’s not there’” Baekhyun is trying to shove his way to the front of the group. “Hyung just doesn’t not be there.”  
Most of the band were silently trying to comprehend whats going on. That’s when Kris hears it. A small squeak, and this time it wasn’t from Tao. Everyone shuffles closer and Kris hears it again. A muffled squeak comes again. Kris moves closer to the bed, where he hears the squeak comes from. “a mouse?” he says aloud and lifts up the bed sheets. 

No. 

It wasn’t a mouse, it was bigger than a mouse and buried underneath the sheets and a pile of Junmyeon’s pyjamas. It poked its tiny head out from between Junmyeon’s boxers and pants, looks up at Kris, with tiny pitch black eyes and loudly squeaks. A Ferret. It was a tiny black ferret with a little white patch around its chin. The thing was about half the size of Kris’ forearm and shimming its unnaturally long body out of the clothing squeaking as if it was complaining, as it does so. It squeaks again and raises its tiny paw at Kris.  
“What the fuck.”  
“What?” Minseok walks into the room and to Kris’ side. He gasps little.  
“Is.. is that a… is that a-“  
“FERRET!” Chanyeol burst into a room. “I HEARD A FERRET!!!”  
Baekhyun’s voice is heard next, “There better not be a fucking ferret,” he squeezes himself through the cluster of other band members, who had shuffled into the room, “Chanyeol I swear to god, if you bought a ferret into this dorm, you're getting none of this sweet delicious booty for a month”

The ferret squeaks again. 

Chanyeol covers his mouth with his large hands and Kris thinks he sees tears in the boy's eyes. He removes his hands “She’s so precious” he whispers. He slowly walks over to the bed. The ferret moves closer to the edge of the bed and to Chanyeol. Chanyeol hold his breath and kneels down next to the bed, he holds out his hands and the ferret climbs into the large hands. Chanyeol squeals with his mouth shut and he brings the ferret to his chest, he sniffs and blinks away tears. “this is the best day of my life.” he whispers as the ferret clings onto his chest. The ferret climbs up Chanyeol’s chest and onto his neck, looking around from the slightly higher elevation. 

“Oh god” Baekhyun gags as he spots the ferret on his boyfriend's neck. “its a fucking ferret” He doubles over, “I'm going to be sick.”  
The ferret looks up at Kris and squeaks again. It's almost like its trying to communicate with Kris. Kris frowns at the animal.  
Luhan speaks, “so we found a ferret but where is Junmyeon?”

The ferret squeaks loudly. 

Yixing unlocks his phone and dials Junmyeon’s number. 

The ferret squeaks again. 

“Oh god make it stop!” Baekhyun groans, lightly dry heaving. 

The buzzing of a phone shuts Baekhyun up. Eleven boys all start scanning the room for the noise. Jongdae walks over to the desk in the room and picks it up. “Hello?”  
Yixing looks surprised “Hello!” he answers the greeting, “is this Junmyeon?”  
Jongdae gives Yixing a disbelieving but amused look, “No, its Jongdae.”  
Yixing frowns, “No Jongdae is here with me,” Yixing looks back to the rest of the band looking for Jongdae. “Omg Jongdae where are you?” Jongdae picks up a pillow from the bed and throws it at Yixing’s head.  
“Dude!”  
Yixing snaps to where the pillow came from “Jongdae!” he exclaims and runs over to Jongdae. The Chinese boy pulls Jongdae into a big hug.  
“Dude, come on.”  
“Why do you have Junmyeon-Hyung’s phone?”  
“because it was in the room, Yixing.” 

Jongin speaks for the first time that morning, “Hyung never goes anywhere without his phone or wallet.” His voice is small as panic sets into the band when they realise the gravity of this situation. Their leader is missing.  
Minseok speaks next, “I'm going to contact the manager.”  
The ferret starts squeaking again, really loudly. Its tiny tail starts thrashing from side to side, whacking Chanyeol in the neck. It continues to stare at Kris, squeaking directly at him. Minseok stops to stare at the ferret.

“SHUT THAT THING UP!” Baekhyun yells. 

“It’s a her, not a thing!” Chanyeol yells back. For the first time the ferret turned from Kris to look at Chanyeol with as much judgement that a ferret can give. It sticks its claw into Chanyeol’s shoulder.  
“OW! Chanyeol yells and look at ferret, betrayed  
“I think it’s a him.” Kris speaks up, looking at the ferret.  
The ferret squeaks in confirmation and goes back to looking at Kris.  
“Does this ferret… seem… like it can understand us?” Luhan whispers. The ferret looks at Luhan and squeaks very loudly. The determination on the ferret’s face was enough to convince Kris that this ferret was not a normal ferret.  
“Yeah.” Kris stares at the ferret and the ferret stares back. He and the mammal lock eyes before the ferret then turns around and starts making its way down Chanyeol’s arm.  
Chanyeol follows the ferret and allows the ferret to jump onto the floor. The little thump it made as its small body landed on the floor made Baekhyun cringe and gag again. Then the ferret sets off, scampering across the floor, through the feet of the band and towards the door. Baekhyun squeals as the ferret speeds past him. 

“DON’T LET HIM OUTSIDE!!” Chanyeol yells but the ferret doesn’t pass through the door stopping at the bag next to the door frame. The ferret dives into the bag. Kris watches, not believing what he is seeing, no way is the ferret actually looking for something. It’s a ferret, ferrets are evolved enough for this. The ferret then re-emerges with a small card in its mouth. The determined ferret speeds back through the crowd and runs directly at Kris. The ferret climbs up on Kris shoe (Baekhyun gags again at the thought of being touched by the ferret). Kris bends down to see what the ferret has. He holds out his hand, the ferret climbs onto Kris palm and Kris, with this other hand takes the little card.  
The card shocks him, it’s Junmyeon’s driver's licence.  
Kris looks from the ferret, to the card, to the bed. He gets a weird feeling in his stomach as he stares into the ferrets pitch black eyes.  
Could it be?

They found the ferret in Junmyeon’s bed, in Junmyeon’s pyjamas, where Junmyeon should me. And Junmyeon wouldn’t leave without his phone or wallet or without telling anyone. Junmyeon wouldn’t just leave the band. Come to think of it, the colour of the ferrets fur is the exact same as Junmyeon’s natural hair colour. Kris stares down at the small black ferret on his palm.

 

“Junmyeon?”


	2. Fuckin’ Ferret Clothing

The ferret squeaks excitedly, tapping its paws against Kris’ palm.    
Minseok gasps at the ferret. “no way” he whispers. The fer-um, Junmyeon, jumps up and down in his palm.   
“Wait, are we saying that Junmyeon Hyung is a ferret now?” Jongin asks in a ‘you’re kidding’ tone but he couldn’t take his eyes off Junmyeon. He walks over to the ferret, and in a slightly mocking tone “Jun-Hyung? Is that you?”    
The ferret nods its little head wildly and shaking its entire body with it at the same time. Jongin’s eyes widen. “Omg…” The band fall silent as they stare at the ferret.   
  
“Am I high?” Yixing whispers to Luhan. Luhan shakes his head. 

“Dreaming?” Luhan shakes his head again 

“Sleep deprived and hallucinating?”    
“Yes but this isn’t a hallucination”

Yixing gasps at the ferret, “Oh….Alright,” he then looks back at Junmyeon, “Morning, Hyung.” he nods. The ferret squeaks a short reply, and then squeaks a string of differently pitched squeaks, then looks pointedly at Yixing. “I slept well Hyung, thanks for asking,” Yixing replied. The ferret- uh- Junmyeon, looked content as he scans the rest of the band. Jongdae stares between Yixing and Junmyeon again. “Um, I slept well as well Hyung….” The ferret looks at Jongdae and nods with a little affectionate squeak. The colour leaves Jongdae’s face, his eyes widen comically and he takes a step back, “This is so…” he’s knees hit the mattress and falls onto the bed. “I need to lie down.” He mutters faintly and he curls up in Junmyeon’s bed pulling the blankets over his head.    
  
The band goes silent again, all staring at their ferret leader.    
  
Kris looks at the ferret on his palm. Holy shit. His co-leader just turned into a ferret. The only person who can run this band, is a fucking ferret, sitting on his palm. Junmyeon, his little leader, is now a ferret, holy shit. The immense pressure of the situation suddenly hits him. He is literally holding Junmyeon’s life in the palm of his hand. He is holding a whole person, now ferret, in his hand. Kris becomes a lot more aware of his hand.    
  
Sehun starts laughing, everyone turns to him. “This is a joke right.” He asks looking at every one of his bandmates. He is met with blank expressions, “You’re kidding. There is no way a person, a full person, can turn into a ferret…. that just doesn’t happen.”    
The ferret squeaks unhappily and stomps its little paws. Luhan nods at the tiny protest, “Junmyeon says otherwise.”   
“Oh come on!” Sehun exclaims loudly, “Its a ferret! Not Junmyeon! This is Junmyeon Hyung’s attempt a joke, he would totally think something like this is funny!” Sehun waves his hands around for emphasis. The band look at him surprised, because Sehun is never this animated.    
Junmyeon lets out a little ferret sigh (exactly like human Junmyeon) and taps Kris’ hand. Kris assumes thats the signal to be put down. He slowly places Junmyeon on the ground and the ferret sets off, once again through the band and this time out the door.    
Chanyeol lets out a high pitched “DON’T LOOSE HIM!” and stumbles off after him. Kris follows close behind on the ferret (literal) tail. The band follows their ferret leader out the door, down the corridor and into Sehun and Jongin’s room. Junmyeon squeezes between the door and the door frame and scampers under Sehun’s bed. The band gather in the room and wait expectantly. They hear the sound of something being dragged along the wooden floor and next thing the band see is Junmyeon’s little tail peeking out from under the bed, slashing angrily from side to side. Kris lifts the bed sheets up to give the ferret some space as it backs out, heaving a out a little black book by the ribbon page divider.   
“Whats that?” Tao asks, look at sehun. When Sehun sees what Junmyeon is pulling out, he lets out a gasp and dives for the book. He snatches the book from the ferret and collapses on the bed face first clutching the book between the mattress and his chest. The band watches the dramatic action with a shocked faces.    
“I admit it now!” Sehun whisper yells, with panic written on his face. “The ferret is Junmyeon-hyung.”    
Kyungsoo looks suspicious, “What about that book convinced you Sehun?”   
“None of your business hyung!” Sehun says too fast and he covers the book more.    
Kyungsoo lets it slide this time.    
  
Junmyeon looks proud and makes his way over the Kris and taps on Kris shoe. Kris bends down and picks him up again, letting the tiny panting ferret to rest on his hand. Must be hard work to go anywhere with such short legs. Kris uses the other hand to pet the ferret, running his large fingers down the ferrets small back. the ferret freezes for a second before looking up at Kris and tilting its head. Then Kris remembers that the ferret is actually Junmyeon. He is stroking Junmyeon. He immediately removes his hand and flushes slightly. Only Minseok seemed to notice the moment, but he didn’t say anything.    
  
Baekhyun speaks up, “So our leader is a ferret.”    
“Oh shit…” Luhan whispers. “This is bad”   
Tao gasps dramatically “We have that commercial.” He places his hand on his chest and leans against Jongin. Jongin takes a step away and Tao stumbles. The Chinese boy stands up right, pouts and childishly hits Jongin’s arm. Jongin raises an eyebrow and hits him back. It take a few seconds before they are slapping at each other and whining. Junmyeon stands on Kris’ palm and squeaks loudly. The two maknae’s don’t hear the leader and continue to go at each other. Junmyeon growls little before squeaking even louder and ending it with a hiss. They didn’t take any notice. Junmyeon growls as he stamps his paws up and down on Kris’ palm.    
“If you continue to fight and I will remove all your arms.” Kyungsoo threatens. Tao squeals and hides behind Jongin. Kyungsoo gives a look to Junmyeon and nods in his ferret head. Kyungsoo smiles to himself.    
  
Sehun sits up on his bed. He smirks  “Hey guys, Junmyeon hyung is naked right now.”    
Everyone takes a moment. Then Jongdae breaks down in a fit of giggles. “Kris hyung is holding a naked Junmyeon Hyung in his hand!” Sehun and Jongdae share a look and continue to laugh. Jongin giggles a bit. Minseok walks over to Jongdae and Sehun and in one swift move slaps both over the head. Kris stares down at Junmyeon…. he really is naked right now. Kris flushes again.    
Yixing speaks next, “He’s covered in fur, so he’s not really naked.”   
  
At this point, Chanyeol secretly left the room. He was rummaging around in the back of his draws looking for a small bag of all of his most prized possessions (apart from anything his band or fan ever gave him). He flings his clothing over his shoulder frantically as he buries his way to the bottom, looking for the items.     
  
“Stop being so childish,” Minseok glares at the maknae, “We need to figure out what to do.” He crosses his arms and evenly looks at the band. Luhan shivers and bites back a remark about Minseok taking control. Minseok looks at Kris. Kris looks at Junmyeon.    
“Should we tell manager?” Kris asks Junmyeon. Junmyeon shakes his head, he squeaks. Kris frowns, “Jun… i don’t understand what that means…”    
“He said no,” Yixing studies Junmyeon on Kris’ palm. Junmyeon squeaks again and Yixing translates, “The manager won’t believe you and think that he just ran away.” Junmyeon squeaks once more “But he doesn’t want to be a ferret forever.” The ferret squeaks and Yixing beams with full dimples. “Thanks Hyung!” He takes a step and pets the ferret's head. Kris frowns and moved Junmyeon away from Yixing. Yixing doesn’t take any notice, but Minseok does.    
  
No one actually noticed that chanyeol had left the room, its why everyone was fucking terrified when he burst back into the maknae’s room waving his long limbs around with tiny articles of clothing clasped in his large hands.   
"I HAVE FERRET CLOTHING!!!" He yells as he jumps through the door, which causes Baekhyun to scream,    
"HOLY FUCK ME!" and he clutches his chest in fright. They share a weird look before Chanyeol continues on his way to Kris and Junmyeon. Chanyeol lowers his stance to Junmyeon’s level and his voice before saying again, “I have ferret jumpers.” He holds up two tiny jackets. One is a red hoodie, hood drawstring, pockets and all. The other is a tiny black leather sleeveless jacket with tiny little sliver zips and studs.    
“What the fuck, Chanyeol.” Jongdae finally speaks, “I never thought you could get lamer but here you are with-“ Jongdae waves his hands at clothing “fucking ferret clothing.”    
Chanyeol gasps and holds the clothing to his chest.   
“That’s a bit rude Dae…” Baekhyun whispers.    
“I know!” Jongdae covers his face. “I’m sorry Yeol, Junmyeon hyung is ferret!”    
Chanyeol frown changes to a grin in under a second. “I know, isn’t it amazing!” He squeals as he jumps up and down beaming like an idiot. Once again, everyone in the room stares at the tall ferret loving man. Chanyeol turns back to Junmyeon with his wide crazed smile plastered to his face. “You’re so much cuter like this Hyung.” he reaches an oversized hand to the ferret. “I’m going to look after you forever.” His hand only grazed the ferrets head as Kris pulls the ferret from Chanyeols reach.    
“No.” Kris hold Junmyeon to his chest.    
The band fall silent and Minseok and Luhan share a knowing look. Kris flushes and panics. “I mean, um, that, you’re creepy Yeol.” The band can feel the bullshit.  Baekhyun decides to be a bro and help Kris out. “You can’t argue with that one, Chanyeol is one creepy dude. Ha ha.” He lightly punches Chanyeol’s shoulder. Chanyeol pouts. Junmyeon taps Kris hand. Kris looks down. Junmyeon nudges his head towards Chanyeol. Kris restrains from frowning and slowly holds Junmyeon to Chanyeol. Chanyeol holds back a squeal and goes to pet the ferret.    
“OW!” Chanyeol is bitten again by the ferret as he tries to pet the mammals head. Junmyeon shakes his head and holds up his paw in the direction of Chanyeols other hand. Chanyeol pouts and holds up his other hand. “Do you want the clothing Hyung?”    
Junmyeon squeaks and nods his head.    
Chanyeol grin returns as he holds up tiny ferret jackets. “Which one Hyung?”    
Junmyeon’s tiny ferret face pulls the most disappointed ferret face Kris had ever seen. Kris chuckles, “Take a guess Yeol.”    
Chanyeol face falls into intense thinking as he studies the two jackets. After a while he hesitantly holds up the black leather jacket with a questioning look at Junmyeon. “…This one?”   
Junmyeon sighs and his ferret body slumps onto Kris hand and covers his eyes with his paws. Kris chuckles again as he takes the red hoodie from Chanyeol.    
  
It took the combined effort of Kris, Minseok, Lay and Baekhyun dictating from a distance to get the hoodie on Junmyeon, but after 10 minutes Junmyeon was no longer a naked ferret.    
“He still doesn’t have pants”    
“Can someone remove him from existence, please.”   
“We are trying here Sehun! Let Junmyeon Hyung be pant-less.”     
“Why are you all so mean to me.”    
  
  
“I’m hungry.”    
“Thanks Yixing.”


	3. Is the Chicken Organic?

“What the fuck do ferrets even eat?” Jongdae intelligently asks the table of fellow intellectuals eating various forms of breakfast cereals. All eyes turn to the ferret in the red hoodie that has been carefully placed on a cushion at the head of the table next to Kris. Kyungsoo made the executive decision that they should eat before thinking too hard about the ferret issue in fear of someone hurting themselves. Now, however, they were all full and still had no idea what to do with the leader ferret.   
“I’duno.” Jongin shrugs before bringing the bowl to his lips and slurping down the rest of the milk. Minseok notices Sehun watching Jongin with intent.   
“What use are you, Jongin?!” Jongdae slams his spoon against the table, turning his   
Jongin wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “I dunno,” he says again and then gets up to put his plate away. Minseok notices Sehun’s eyes follow Jongin’s back (read: butt) into the kitchen, but he says nothing and returns to his cereal.   
Junmyeon squeaks sadly and flops down onto the pillow.   
“Poor little guy,” Chanyeol coos “You must be so hungry~” he wiggles a finger in Junmyeon’s tiny ferret face, which both Kris and Junmyeon take a swipe away.   
Baekhyun, who is sitting at the furthest point from the ferret, speaks up, “Yeolie, you raised…. Ferrets in your time, shouldn’t you know what they eat?”   
Chanyeol sighs, his face a picture of happy reminiscing, “My babies just ate whatever I was eating.” he says blissfully. Kris could almost see the flashbacks of Chanyeol and his ferrets splitting a pizza and a Fanta in a hazy mist of floating hearts.   
“This is why your ferrets are dead.” Luhan deadpans before stealing a bit of perfectly buttered toast from Kyungsoo’s plate. Kyungsoo makes an attempt to stab him with his steak knife, which he insists on using to butter bread, but Luhan is too fast. Kyungsoo resorts to glaring as Luhan splits the toast with his beloved Minseok. Luhan feeds the toast into Minseok’s mouth cause his hands are too preoccupied with ‘Pet MD’. 

Minseok takes a small bite before reading out his findings. “To begin, ferrets have a high metabolic rate, so they will eat around 8 to 10 small meals daily. And being strict carnivores, like cats, they need a high protein food source”   
“8 to 10 meals?!” Jongdae screeches, “he’s gonna be shitting up a storm.”  
The tiny ferret sighs in disappointment, but Baekhyun makes noise in agreement, nodding aggressively and pointing his spoon in Jongdae's direction, flinging milk everywhere. Milk sprays Kyungsoo’s face.   
“O’ shhif!” Baekhyun exclaims, promptly getting up to stride over to Kyungsoo’s side and licking the milk off his face. Kyungsoo’s entire body coils in disgust. “Sorry man,” Baekhyun pets his head before returning to his seat to continue his meal. Kyungsoo considers murder again, maybe even with a side of suicide but he doesn’t want to ruin his beautifully jammed toast.  
“Let’s have Minseok continue,” Yixing speaks up. Kyungsoo sighs in relief knowing that the person worth living for is still there. “So we can feed him before worrying about what to do with the… after bit.”   
Minseok nods, “This says chicken or lamb for Ferrets...I think we have some in the fridge.” Minseok gets up to search for ferret appropriate food. 

Kris watches Junmyeon’s little ferret eyes follow his saviour out of the room. Kris chuckles at pets Junmyeon’s tiny ferret head again.

“But guys!” Baekhyun hold up his spoon, “If the ferret is still Junmyeon hyung enough to understand us like a person, then how do we know that raw chicken won’t kill him like a person.” Chanyeol, Jongdae, Sehun, Jongin, and even Luhan all actually stop to consider this.   
“Because he is physically a ferret,” Tao says softly, speaking for the first time all breakfast, “Hyung is only physically a ferret, his soul, spirit, and conscious are still human, that’s why he can understand us.” The whole band turns to him.   
“How do you know that?” Kyungsoo asks   
“Sounds like bullshit to me,” Luhan says.   
“It’s like in Harry Potter-” Tao tries to protest.  
“See Bullshit!” Luhan affirms his position before picking up his plate and joining the love of his life in the kitchen. Tao scrunches up his face in an objectively cute pout and stares down at his hands.  
“I was just answering a question….” He said sadly. Junmyeon squeaks sympathetically.   
“Junnie thanks you for trying Tao Tao.” Yixing translate sending the sad boy a soft smile, just as Junmyeon would. Tao's eyes shift in sadness probably.   
“This still doesn’t solve our proble-” Kris starts.  
“Who cares!” Jongdae exclaims loudly cutting of Kris, “Just feed him chicken and if he dies he dies!”

The whole band collectively gasped. Minseok stops chopping up the chicken, and Luhan’s stops kissing Minseok’s neck to stare at Jongdae. Baekhyun chokes on his milk and Kyungsoo doesn’t care this time. Sehun and Jongin let out soft cries and cling to each other's arms. Kris automatically scoops up Junmyeon and protectively holds him to his chest. Tears automatically spring to Tao's eyes, and Chanyeol actually starts crying. Yixing whispers “No Dae…..” 

“Wh-wHy wOuLD YoU sAy ThAT HyYnG?” Sehun whimpers, his voice breaking on every word, never letting go of Jongin's hand. 

“I KNOW!” Jongdae yells, throwing his hands up in the air before slamming his head into the table. “I know! I know! I’m sorry!” he looks up at Junmyeon, who is carefully cradled to Kris’s chest. “I’m so sorry Hyung, I don’t want you to die!!! I’m just so stressed that you're a ferret right no-ow.” His voice cracks on the final word and tears form in his eyes. “I just… what do we do Hyung! Yo-yo-you’re a ferr-et! ” Tears fall triggered by a hiccup. And then Jongdae starts sobbing. “What if h-he-he-he doesn’t turn back! I w-want Junmyeon hyu-ng to be a person!” 

“AWWWWWWW!!” the whole band coos in unison. Yixing quickly stands up and pulls Jongdae into a hug. Jongdae smooshes his entire face into Yixing’s shoulder, smearing it with various bodily fluids, and continues to cry.   
“It’s okay Dae Dae, we will figure it out.” Yixing whispers as he reassuringly rubs Jongdae’s back. 

Minseok walks back over with a tiny bowl of finely slices chicken breast and places it in front of Kris. “There you go Myeonie~”   
“Is it organic?” Kris asks looking into the bowl   
“What?”   
“The chicken, is it organic? Junmyeon only eats organic foods.” Kris explains as he puts Junmyeon on the table.   
“Um?” Minseok gives Kris a weird look.   
“It’s fucking chicken Kris,” Luhan states from the kitchen. “What chicken isn’t organic?”   
“I dunno!” Kris lamely defends himself, “Just making sure!” 

Junmyeon seemingly doesn’t give a shit about the state of the chicken as he attempts to climb into the bowl to get the meat. The bowl tips under his weight and Junmyeon falls off. Undeterred, Junmyeon tries again, this time aiming to scoops out a bit of meat with his paws. He manages to spear a but with his long claws however he cannot get the angle right to pull it out. He lets out a frustrated ferret sigh. Kris, who was intently watching his struggle intervenes and picks out a piece and holds it out. Junmyeon gratefully takes the chicken using one paw to hold Kris’ finger to steady himself as he happily eats. Kris’s heart skips a beat. 

 

“Hey guys, it is weird that Junmyeon is eating Kris’s meat in front of all of us?”   
“That’s it-”   
“Well, I guess it’s Minseok's meat.”   
“shuT THE FUCK UP BYUN!”


	4. True Loves Kiss

Junmyeon has been a ferret for 6 hours now and no one has come up with a halfway decent idea on how to turn their leader back human. They have migrated to the living room. The youngest four have commandeered the bean bags in an awkward pile, playing Mario Kart. To compensate for Kyungsoo’s lack of enthusiasm, Jongdae has taken up the role of trash talker for Kyungsoo as he snuggles Kyungsoo from behind. Baekhyun has taken back his man, sitting purposefully on his lap while they both glare/fondly stare at Junmyeon who has situated himself on Kris' head trying to stay awake after a big meal. Yixing is in the armchair, cross-legged, with his eyes closed in thoughtful meditation, and Luhan is taking photos of his beautiful face from unflattering angles while quietly chuckling. Minseok is still in the kitchen, stressed, cleaning out the fridge after discovering fermenting yoghurt during his chicken search.

“It’s probably some ancient curse,” Baekhyun explains logically. “Like Hyung’s great granddaddy was into some freaking shit and now Hyung’s a ferret.”  
Kyungsoo gets smashed by a blue shell and sighs, “No Baekhyun-”  
“BUT YOU CAN’T PROVE IT WRONG!”  
“What if we summon Junmyeon's human spiritual essence an-”  
“Holy shit Yixing,” Luhan sighs, “Your Chinese spiritual shit is not fucking real.”  
“Aw Hyung don’t diss his beliefs-” Jongdae whines “SUCK ON KYUNGSOO’S DICK SEHUN!”  
“I’ll diss the Chinese spiritual shit if I want to.” Luhan walks away to plug in his phone. “All Chinese people are insane anyway.”  
“Ge! You are also Chinese!” Yixing protest.  
“I’m a better kind of Chinese than you, you communist monk!” And with that, he leaves the room just to find his better half, who is still in the kitchen cleaning up.

A full happy Junmyeon, who was napping on Kris’s head, starts growling at the raised voices. Kris reaches up to pull Junmyeon off his head and into a soft grip. Kris rests the ferret in one hand and in the other pets Junmyeon’s sweater-clad back. Junmyeon shivers, sighs, and then settles into Kris’ hand. Kris smiles softly to himself as Junmyeon closes his ferret eyes and basks in the small pets from the big man. This is the first time Junmyeon has been so relaxed in a long time. Kris continues to pet the small black ferret as the ferret slowly dozes off.

“TAO!!” Jongin screams, luckily not disturbing Junmyeon, “Why did you do that!?”  
Tao, who had just knocked Jongin off Rainbow Road, screams back, “That’s what you GET FOR PICKING PEACH!!!!”  
“I got there first!” Jongin argues.  
“I always play peach- SEHUN!” Tao’s Daisy gets red shell in the butt.  
Sehun shrugs, “Don’t pick on Jongin like that.”  
Baekhyun, from his seat on Chanyeol’s lap, starts getting frustrated as Jongin falls off the track, unpushed, for the fourth time. “Oh my God Nini, put some effort in!”  
“It’s hard Hyung~”  
“Then give it here.” Baekhyun rolls off Chanyeol’s lap, rolls across the floor and onto Jongin’s lap. Then he wraps Jongin’s arms around him and steals the controller to slay these prepubescent shits. For the first time, Sehun’s attention is drawn from the game and he falls off the track. Baekhyun doesn’t notice the maknae’s glare.

Chanyeol sits next to Kris, “Hey Hyung,” but Chanyeol isn’t looking at Kris, he is looking at the ferret leader.  
“Yeah Chan?”  
“Can- Can I….” Chanyeol gestures to Junmyeon in Kris' hands.  
“Uh…” What does Kris do in this situation? Kris holds Junmyeon up to his. “Junni-UH! UM- Junmyeon, Can Chan-ah hold you for a bit?” The ferret blinks at Kris, still sleepy. Kris’ heart warms at the cuteness. Junmyeon looks from Kris to Chanyeol’s hopeful face. He sighs and nods his little ferret head. Chanyeol grins as Kris passes Junmyeon to Chanyeol. Chanyeol coos and immediately starts to pet Junmyeon’s head, ignoring the almost pained expression on Kris’ face, transfixed on the tiny animal in his hands. However, Minseok, who is passing with his personal bottle of bleach, notices.

“Fucking Furry.” Kyungsoo, the Mario Kart winner, mutters as he sits on the other side of Kris. The others start discussing a rematch but Yixing suggests that they try and figure out how to turn the leader back into a human. Minseok and Luhan join and the entire band sit in silence staring at the sleeping Ferret.

Then Jongin speaks. “What about true love’s kiss?”  
Baekhyun chokes, “whaT?!”  
“You know, like in the movies, true love kiss breaks all evil spells.”  
“This isn’t a Disney movie Jongin,” Luhan speaks, “If it were, we would all be white.” he shudders at the thought.  
“Yeah well, people don’t turn into ferrets normally Luhan,” Jongdae gives him a pointed look, “so many the kid has a point. We can’t rule out options.” Jongin smiles and Sehun smiles at his smile.  
“It won’t work.” Tao whispers.  
“Not with that attitude, Negative Kelly!”  
“Kelly?” Kyungsoo frowns  
“So who is Junmyeonnie’s true love?” Minseok asks snuggled into Luhan's side, staring at Kris. Kris looks at the eldest member of the band, and Minseok gives him a cheeky wink.  
“Well, that’s obvious.” Baekhyun starts. Kris turns to Baekhyun, panicked for some reason.  
Kyungsoo sighs, “I swear to God if you say yoursel-”  
“Kyungsoo!” Baekhyun interrupts him. “Kyungsoo is Junmyeons true love!”  
“....”  
“What the fuck.” Jongdae looks at Baekhyun as if Baekhyun has lost his mind. “Like, you picked Kyungsoo over Sehunnie, me or even Minseok Hyung?”  
“Hey!” Luhan angrily protests, “The fuck you on?!”  
“Oh, please Hyung,” Jongdae waves him off, “We all know that Jun-Hyung is Minseok Hyungs second option. He’s so much nicer than you, and like, they have this chemistry.”  
Luhan gets up to fight this bitch, but Minseok, who is giggling, stops him.  
“Back to my point!” Baekhyun starts up again, “Jongdae is wrong, I’m right, and Leader Hyung is clearly in love with Kyungsoo.”  
All eyes fall on Kyungsoo. All things considered, Kyungsoo is not mad at this accusation. Not at all, it’s Kim Junmyeon, he is blessed to have Kim Junmyeon consider him even a friend, let alone be in love with him. Kyungsoo smiles to himself. “Yeah, he is,” Kyungsoo whispers under his breath. Kris glares down at Kyungsoo, and for the first time feels discontent for the small man.

The band falls silent again, all looking around at each other before turning to look at sleeping Junmyeon. Kyungsoo reaches over to tap Junmyeon’s head. “Hyung?” Junmyeon stirs. He raises his head, looking around the room until his eyes land on Kyungsoo. The ferret immediately lights up at Kyungsoo’s attention on him, wagging his tail excitedly. Kyungsoo holds out his hand and Junmyeon immediately leaps onto it. Kyungsoo smirks and starts scratching Junmyeon’s head. “Am I your one true love, Hyung?” Junmyeon makes a small squeak before melting in Kyungsoo’s hand. Kyungsoo has never felt more powerful in his entire life, and Kris’ heart feels heavy.

“UH HUH!” Baekhyun yells triumphantly, “See! I'm correct!” Then he turns to Jongdae and sticks out his tongue. “That means Kyungsoo hyung has to kiss Junmyeon hyung and it will all be over.” Jongin squeals. They all turn to Kyungsoo who looks down at Junmyeon.  
“Can I give you a kiss Hyung?” he asks softly. Junmyeon purrs and Kyungsoo leans down and gives Junmyeon a big kiss on his tiny head.  
The band holds their breath.  
And nothing happens.  
Kyungsoo is a bit sad for some reason. Kris lets out a sigh of relief.  
‘HA!” Jongdae jumps to his feet and points at Baekhyun. “He’s not in love with Kyungsoo!”  
Baekhyun pouts. “Maybe the kiss thing is wrong.”  
“Or maybe I’m correct and he’s in love with me.” Jongdae gloats  
“You’re just saying that cause you’re a narcissist,” Baekhyun argues back.  
Jongdae pouts then he turns to Kyungsoo. “Gimme Hyung, I wanna kiss him.”  
Junmyeon makes a little clucking noise and wags his tail again, clearly enjoying the affection. Kyungsoo holds out the ferret and Jongdae gives him a kiss on the head. Once again nothing happened.  
“Now looks who’s wrong!” Baekhyun. Jongdae looks sadly down at Junmyeon in Kyungsoo’s hands.  
Yixing pulls Jongdae onto his lap and gives him a cuddle.  
Jongin speaks, “Alright so if Kyungsoo- Hyung or Jongdae- Hyung is Junmyeon-Hyung’s true love th-”  
“I’ll kiss him!” Chanyeol offers way too fast.  
“Oh my god! Keep your furry shit in your pants!” Kyungsoo groans, still put out that he was not Junmyeon’s true love.  
Luhan cackles and nods at Kyungsoo approvingly.  
“We should all kiss him.” Jongin suggests, “any of us could be Junmyeon’s true love.”  
“I’m not kissing it,” Baekhyun states, crossing his arms.  
“It’s Suho Hyung, Baek!” Jongdae protests  
“It’s a stinkin’ ferret.”  
“Baekhyun, you will kiss our leader or I swear to god.” Kyungsoo threatens, passing Junmyeon back to Kris.  
“You’ll do what Kyungsoo? Huh! Kiss me?”  
“What no?! I’ll kill you!” Kyungsoo stands up, “Why would I kiss you?”  
“Because I’m irresistible adorable and have the most kissable face in this band.”  
“Then maybe your Junmyeon’s true love. So. Kiss. Him.”  
“No, I refus- What the fuck Yeol?!” The band turns back to the Chanyeol who has his mouth planted on Junmyeon’s ferret head. He jumped back, embarrassed, like he had been caught mid an unsavoury act.

Baekhyun is dis-gust-ed. He is appalled. Absolutely outraged. The betrayal is overwhelming.  
“I am never going near you and your fucking ferret kink again, Park Chanyeol!”  
“Bae-Bae-khyun!” Chanyeol stutters, “It's not what- I could have been his one true lov-”  
“HOW COULD YOU BE HIS ONE TRUE LOVE WHEN ** _I AM_ YOUR ONE TRUE LOVE??!?!** ” Baekhyun screams.  
“But Jun-”  
“Fucking hand me that ferret!” Baekhyun stretches out a hand, waiting for their leader to be placed upon it. Kyungsoo picks Junmyeon up from Chanyeol and places him on Baekhyun's hand. Baekhyun swiftly pulls Junmyeon to his face and, without breaking eye contact with his boyfriend, plants a kiss on Junmyeon’s back. Junmyeon squeaks and remains a ferret.

The three maknaes all kiss their hyung, but he still remains a ferret. Sehun was upset that Jongin looked a bit sad about it. Tao looked like he was about to cry when it didn’t work.

Minseok goes to take Junmyeon into his hands, but Luhan snatches Junmyeon away before he can. Luhan turns his back to the band and pulls Junmyeon to his face so that he is eye level with the ferret. “Listen here Jun.” He starts, muttering low so that only the ferret would hear. “You better not be Minseoks one true love, or I swear to god, I will turn your human body back into minced meat, yah hear me?!” Junmyeon ferret eyes widen to a comically large scale, before nodding his ferret head once. “Good,” Luhan mutters before turning around again and quickly pecking Junmyeon’s head before handing him to Minseok.

Luckily for Junmyeon, Minseok isn’t Junmyeon’s one true love either. So that just leaves Kris. Kris’s heart is pounding as he takes Junmyeon back into his hands. He stares down at the ferret before shutting his eyes and leaning in to kiss Junmyeon’s head.

Nothing happened.

“I can’t believe that didn’t work.”  
“I can’t believe you thought it would.”  
“What about mediatio-”  
“oh my goD- NO COMMUNIST BULLSHIT!!”


	5. Foolproof

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let’s all pretend that EXO used the English alphabet when communicating in Korean

They haven’t left the dorm yet, even though it’s nearing dinner time. Not having the motivation to cook because their leader is a ferret, they have ordered a lot of pizza, and a salad for Sehun who will be a vegan until he smells the meat lovers.

Baekhyun puts down the phone and turns back to the band. “Alright, pizza is on its way and I told Manager Hyung that we all have gastro. Should keep him off our backs for a couple of days.”  
Luhan raises his head from Minseok's stomach, “Gastro?”  
“First thing I could think of? I told him Kyungsoo’s shit was green.”  
Kyungsoo slowly turns his body around to stare at Baekhyun, “....why?”  
“The more detail I included the more he would believe me.” Baekhyun shrugs  
“But why my shit?”  
“Because, my dear Kyungsoo,” He then strides back to the couches where the whole band is gathered for another problem-solving session, “Your shit being green is fucking funny.” Baekhyun passes all available seats to plonk himself onto Kyungsoo’s lap and wrap his arms around the smaller boy.  
“You’re disgusting and that’s not funny.” Kyungsoo immediately shoves him to the floor.  
“That's your opinion!” Baekhyun screams from the floor, dramatically pointing his finger at Kyungsoo. “I have my opinion and you have yours! AND I SAY I AM FUNNY!!”  
“Sentiment like that is the reason the world seems to be trending towards a post-truth global society.” Yixing mindlessly says from behind his coffee.  
Luhan starts banging his head against Minseok’s abs from their cuddle position on the couch. “No one cARES!” 

“Hyung has a point, though,” Jongdae says, walking over to sit next to Yixing. “The belief and upholding of multiple truths have let people believe that they can be correct in any situation. It has lead to a rising in extreme right-wing politics in recent years. That and fear mongering.”  
Jongin lifts his head from Sehun shoulder, “Don’t forget liberal complacency! The perceived moral high ground is allowing for these hate group sentiments to infiltrate mainstream thought and even politics completely unchecked.” Then he returns to sucking his lollipop which is definitely not driving Sehun insane.  
“Stay woke, America.” Chanyeol whispers. Junmyeon, the ever woke ferret, chirps in agreement 

The band falls silent, as they contemplate the recent trends in politics, ferret to human transformations, and in Sehun’s case, how Jongin’s hair is so soft?

“I'm just saying guys, I topped biology in the 2nd semester, 9th grade.” Jongdae states. “I could tota-”  
“No.” Kris says, “You’re not going to experiment on Junmyeon.” The ferret lets out a tiny sigh, not missed by Kris.  
“I totall-”  
“No Jongdae!” Kris tells him in his firm leader voice (lol rip), “don’t you dare touch him with your 9th-grade biology!” Junmyeon chirps again, and jumps off Chanyeol’s lap onto the couch and makes his little way over Tao’s lap and to Kris. He immediately buries under Kris’s knee and pops his head between Kris’s legs. Kris picks him up and Junmyeon rubs his head into Kris’s palm in gratitude. 

Jongdae slumps into the couch and grumbles, “Junmyeon hyung would praise me for trying.”  
“Well we can’t talk to hyung,” Baekhyun exclaims, obviously still sore from his previous shoving, “‘cause he’s a fucking ferret!”  
“You should really show more respect for the species Baekhyun,” Yixing starts, “Obviously this is the species Leader Hyung is comfortable in, it is then a noble species like our hyung.”  
Tao, who is staring at his hands, speaks up. “Yeah, Ge could be stuck like that for a while-” (Chanyeol whimpers in excitement,) “so you might have to get used to it Baek-ge.”  
Baekhyun aggressively glares at his BETRAYING boyfriend. 

“What if there was a way to talk to him?” Minseok asks in a calm voice.  
“What?” Kris asks  
“Do you guys remember The Martian?” Minseok asks  
“DO I REMEMBER MATT DAMON, YOU MEAN?!?!?” Baekhyun yells as he tries to mount Kyungsoo again. “OF COURSE I REMEMBER MATT DAMO-AH! THE FUCK!!!” Kyungsoo shoves him again.  
“One day I’ll do a movie with that man.” Luhan sighs as he thinks of a cinematic masterpiece involving Matt Damon, himself, and monuments of his homeland.  
Sehun squints at Minseok, “Do you want us to grow potatoes in our own shit, Hyung?” Jongin nods in confusion.  
“What? No!” Minseok exclaims, “I want to set up letters and have Junmyeon spell out stuff, the fuck is wrong with this band?” Junmyeon squeaks in excitement, thumping his little tail on Kris’s hand. Kris chuckles and rubs Junmyeon’s head. Junmyeon wiggles harder at the affection.  
Baekhyun groans. “So much effort!”  
“There is like… 26 letters…”  
“Too. Much. Effort. The ferret stays silent.” Junmyeon sadly sighed and whines.  
“Shut up Baekhyun,” Kris snaps. “Junmyeon wants to speak.” 

 

That’s when Jongin sits up. “Sehunnie! Don’t you have that board with all the letters on it?”  
Sehun thinks for a second before nodding. “I think it’s somewhere in my room.”  
Minseok smiles, “See not so hard, Baekhyun you’re just a bitch.”  
“Hey! “ Baekhyun says before being thrown over the back side of the couch after his fourth failed attempt at sitting on Kyungsoo.  
Jongin stands up, grins, “Let’s go find it Sehunnie!” and then Jongin grabs Sehun’s hand and pulls him towards their room. 

 

~

 

Jongin was practically buzzing as he starts looking around their room for the item. “Maybe Junmyeon hyung can speak to us.” he practically squeals, being far too cute for Sehun’s sanity.  
“Yeah, I miss Hyung.” Sehun pouts and starts pulling stuff from beneath the bed.  
They search for a bit, pulling out a couple of old mementoes and laughing about them until Jongin speaks. “Hey, Hunnie?”  
“Mm?”  
“Why was that book hyung found this morning so special?” Jongin asks casually as he pulls out the board they were looking for. “Like how did you know the ferret was Hyung because of that. I’ve never seen it before.”  
Sehun panics, “Um, ah.” His quickly positions himself on top of the pillow he hid it under this morning. “Its nothing, just a book Hyung gave me the other day.” He chuckles, trying to keep things 100% normal.  
Jongin frowns, looking up and down at Sehun’s ‘natural’ pose on top of the pillow. “But… but you almost broke something attempting to keep it hidden.” He’s clearly not impressed as he takes another step forward. Jongin places the item they were looking for next to Sehun before standing over him and placing his hands on his hips.  
“Um, Nini, it's really-” Sehun starts, but he is stopped at Jongin’s secret weapon, the pout. Jongin’s bottom lip juts out and his eyes go a little bit bigger.  
“What is it?” He asks sadly, “Why are you hiding it from me? Aren’t we best friends?” His eyes shake with cuteness, all anime style, and it’s fucking criminal. Sehuns heart melts.  
“No Nini! We are best friends! It’s just like… private…” he trails off trying to look everywhere but the most adorable person on the planet.  
“But… But Jun-hyung knows about it.” Jongin crosses his arms and takes another step closer. “Do you like Jun Hyung more than me?” he ends up whispering looking sadder than the time he found out about dog fighting rings. It’s enough to break Oh Sehun.  
“It’s just my private journal okay! Hyung only knew about it because he caught me writing in it.” Sehun confession hangs in the air. Jongin looks him up and down and smiles wickedly.  
“What have you got written in there Sehun-ah? Is it naughty? Is that why it was so hidden?” Jongin takes more steps, now on top of Sehun, positioning his legs from either side of Sehun’s thighs. Sehuns mind doesn’t even get time to process their position as his mind is racing with all the love letters he has written to a certain bandmate. Dammit! Why did he have to be such a hopeless romantic!?

Suddenly Jongin leaps, reaching his arms around Sehun and under the pillow Sehun’s ass is currently occupying. Sehun immediately grabs Jongin and flips their bodies away from the pillow. They land on the other side of the bed with Sehun on top of Jongin and Jongin's hands clutching Sehun’s (bootiful) ass, faces inches apart. They stare into the other's wide eyes. 

It’s not the first time they have been this close. In fact, the previous night that they were snuggling even closer than their current position. But this is different. There is a certain electricity in the air between them.  
God, Jongin is so close. His beautiful face is so close, it wouldn’t take much for Sehun lean down and kiss him.  
Sehun watches as Jongin’s eyes dart from Sehun's to Sehun’s lips, his cheeks turning a delicious shade of pink. 

Sehun’s heart is pounding so hard he doesn’t hear the doorbell, but he definitely hears Baekhyun scream “PIZZA IS MY KINK!!!!!”  
That admission snaps both of them out of their heated stare. Sehun jumps off Jongin who is visibly flustered.  
“Um, yeah pizza,” Sehun mutters, scooping up the board they were here for. Jongin sits up, flustered, and roughly runs his hands through his hair.  
“Ugh yeah.” He whispers standing up.  
They quickly make their way out of the room and hope that they leave the awkward atmosphere locked in the bedroom. 

 

~

 

Luckily for Sehun, no one notices the maknaes awkward energy as they were too busy digging into the 12 boxes of pizza they ordered.  
“Ugggghhhhhhhhhh this pizza is so goooood.” Baekhyun moans pornographically. “Like orgasmically good!”  
Everyone ignores him, so he continues. “This pizza is my daddy.”  
The band remain silent, hell-bent on enjoying their pizza, but the Byun opens his mouth again. “I mean, could just tie me down and spit in my asshole and I would cum.”  
Kyungsoo shuts his pizza box, “I really fucking hate you.” he tells Baekhyun, softly but with a lot of venom, before getting up to scream into a jar or whatever Kyungsoo does in his spare time. The rest of the band stare at Baekhyun like he just whipped his dick out and named it. Baekhyun shrugs and shoves more of his extra sausage pizza in his mouth. 

Minseok sighs and turns to Sehun. “Did you find you letter board?”  
Jongin immediately chokes. Sehun’s face flushes bright red. “Um yeah,” he manages to get out. He pulls the board out from under his seat and places it on the table.  
Tao screams and leaps a full foot back. “BURN IT!” he screeches.  
Minseok takes a much calmer approach, “Sehunnie, why do you have an Ouija board?”  
The whole band looks at Sehun.  
“Um,” He starts, “I saw it on… on Tumblr once… everyone- um, had one?”  
“HAVE YOU USED IT?!?” Tao demands.  
“I didn’t know how to use it. I don’t think I have all the right pieces.” Tao screams again, which brings Kyungsoo and his jar out of his special screaming cupboard.  
“Whats going on?” he asks, glaring at Baekhyun. He scans the room, “Oh cool board, are we talking to spirits?”  
“NO!” Tao yells.  
“I mean, we don’t have the bit you move around.” Jongdae points out.  
“GOOD!”  
“Can you shut up? Maybe?” Luhan asks.  
“That thing will KILL US!” Tao screams.  
“I have a planchette or two lying around.” Kyungsoo murmurs, his mood instantly lightened at the idea of spirit summoning. He leaves the room.  
“We are not going to use it to talk to the dead.” Minseok reasons. “We are going to use the letters to help Junmyeon-ah talk to us, right?”  
"..."  
"..."  
"..."  
"Right?" 

 

After deciding that Minseok was gay, lame, and boring, the band decide to summon a spirit of their 100% haunted dorm to tell them what happened to Junmyeon and then force them to turn Junmyeon back. The plan was foolproof: summon a spirit with the board, capture it, befriend it, enslave it, then force it to take control of the dark omen that obviously transformed their leader, watch a spirit battle, and then get their leader back. 

See?

Foolproof. 

And who said idols are stupid. 

They shove the couches to the side of the room, and after raiding and lighting Junmyeon’s bath time candles and incense they turn off the lights and take their positions around the board. It’s a bit of a squeeze but they do manage, they even got Tao in there. Sure, he’s handcuffed (don’t ask) to Baekhyun and Jongdae, but he’s there.  
“This is the kinda team bonding I like to see.” Baekhyun smiles proudly. “I bet leader hyung would agree with me.” Junmyeon, who is back on Kris’s head, lets out an uncommitted sigh, but that’s good enough for Baekhyun. They all place their hands on the planchette and they wait. 

“So…?”  
“I think we need to ask it questions,” Jongin whispers while having flashbacks to all the horror movies he has watched and suddenly thinking that this is a bad idea. The band falls silent again and everyone's eyes shift around looking for the one brave soul who will ask the spirit that will fight the force who changed their hyung.  
“So…” Luhan starts, “Who’s gonna do it?”  
Everyone suddenly finds the ceiling very interesting.  
Kris sighs “Fine, I’ll do it,” he says, “For Junmyeon.” Junmyeon taps Kris’s head fondly.  
Minseok scoffs, “yeah no shit.”  
Kris shoots Minseok a look before asking to the potential spirits “Um…. Um hey. Um, is there anybody here?”

Everyone holds their breath.  
Everything is silent until the distinct sound of wood moving on wood fills the air.

Then the planchette moves under Kris’s fingers. Tao shrieks and tries to leap away, but Jongdae and Baekhyun, frozen in fear, keep him there.  
“Who the fuck is doing this?!?” Luhan demands, voice wavering in fear. No one replies, they can’t speak, they are fucking terrified.  
The planchette slowly moves to the ‘Yes’ painted on the board. Tao whimpers. Tears of fear well up in Jongin’s eyes, Sehun reaches his free hand around to grab Jongin’s and squeezes. The awkwardness of the bedroom completely forgotten in the terror of the situation. Kris can feel Junmyeon bury into his hair and he hears a small ferret whimper.  
Kyungsoo nudges Kris and gives him a look to continue.  
Kris clears his throat, “Um cool. How are you doing today?”  
“Why did you ask it that?!” Baekhyun squeals.  
“I dunno, tryin’ be polite.”  
The planchette moves again, this time towards the letters. Everyone stops breathing again as the spirit starts communicating its message. Kyungsoo reads the letters allowed  
“A….. L…..R…..I….G…..H…..T…. Alright.” Kyungsoo looks up from the board to the rest of the band, “The ghost is feeling ‘alright’ today.”  
Junmyeon pokes his little ferret head above Kris’s hair and gives a confused squeak.  
Baekhyun, a lot less scared now, “Alright? The ghost is alright?”  
The planchette moves back to the ‘Yes’.  
Baekhyun blinks, “Um… cool, I guess?”  
Junmyeon taps Kris’s head twice so Kris asks another question. “Do you know what happened to Junmyeon?”  
The planchette moves away and then confirms by going back to the Yes. Kris takes a deep breath along with the rest of the band.  
“What happened?”  
The planchette doesn’t move for a beat before moving back to the letters. Kyungsoo reads out the message again.  
“L...O…. L.. lol? Wh- wait- D….O….N….T….. dont? Oh, don’t! Lol, Don’t-”  
“There’s more!” Baekhyun hits Kyungsoo.  
“I'm on it! U… M….E….A...N…. Lol, don’t u mean…”  
“Lol, don’t we mean what?” Jongdae asks impatiently  
“Give the spirit some time!” Kyungsoo scolds, “Lol don’t you mean… W….H…..O… who.” Then the planchette stops moving.  
Everyone stops. “Lol don’t you mean who?” Luhan repeats. “Does that mean… Did someone happen to Junmyeon, not something? Someone did this to him?” The planchette springs back to life and moves back to the Yes. 

The band collectively gasps. Jongdae lets out a little whimper and buries his head into Yixings shoulder. Jongin squeezes Sehuns hand tighter, Sehun squeezes back. Baekhyun squeezes Kyungsoos arse harder, Kyungsoo doesn’t squeeze back.  
Luhan grins. “I always knew one of you was a fucking snake.” Minseok shushes him.  
“Who?!” Baekhyun asks, a little hysterical, hand still on Kyungsoo’s ass. The planchette moves again.  
Kyungsoo ignores Baekhyun’s hand and continues to read. “L….O….L lol, alright we get it bud, you know acronyms.” Then the Planchette moves, for the first time, to the No. “Lol no. Alright shit head.” Kyungsoo mutters.  
Jongin, terrified, punches Kyungsoo. “Don’t insult the spirit!” he hisses.  
The planchette moves again, this time Baekhyun reads the message. “F…. U…. B….I....T….C…. H. Fuck you bitch.” Kyungsoo looks genuinely offended.  
“Kyungsoo got beef with a ghost.” Sehun giggles. 

Luhan looks around the band again, “But who did it?”  
“Clearly the spirit isn’t going to tell us,” Kyungsoo grumbles.  
“Can you tell us who?” Kris asks the spirit.  
The planchette doesn’t move.  
“Please?” He tries. Kris feels little Junmyeon’s body on his head shake with presumed laugher.  
The planchette doesn’t move again.  
“Welp!” Baekhyun sighs, “That’s all he's got to say.” he goes to get up but Tao roughly pulls him down.  
“You. Need. To. Say. Good. Bye.” he forcefully tells him, looking a lot more freaked and a lot paler than normal.  
Jongin nods, “or else they will stay with us.”  
The band, led by Tao move the planchette over the Goodbye letters. 

Then Luhan gets up from the board and turns on the lights. He places his hands on his hips, smirks and looks around. “Alright, which one of you did it?” His eyes sparkle with something wicked. “Which one of you turned Junmyeon into a ferret?”


	6. The Trials of EXO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Which one of you turned Junmyeon into a ferret?”  
Luhans question hangs in the a

“What the fuck do you mean?” Baekhyun asks, “How could we even turn someone into a ferret?”  
“I don’t know,” Luhan starts, crossing his arms over his chest, “You guys are a bunch of freaky bitches.”  
“Forget how!” Minseok starts, “Why? Which one of you hate Junmyeon hyung enough to turn him into a ferret.” 

Kris feels Junmyeon jump slightly in his hand before looking around at his band. He looks up at Kris who’s grip automatically tightens on Junmyeon. He runs one hand across Junmyeon’s little head comfortingly as Junmyeon calls himself up into a little ball. 

“No one hates Junmyeon hyung.” Jongin whispers. “Why would you say that hyung?” He looks directly at Minseok.  
“Well, the Ghost says someone did.” Minseok points out  
Luhan comes to his boyfriend's defence, “I highly fucking doubt it was someone outside of this god awfu…..”

The rest of what the band yells at each other falls on deaf ears to Kyungsoo as his eyes slowly sweep the room. He pulls his legs up and crosses them on the armchair before resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands under his chin. 

His mind sweeps from the small confines of their dorm into his the vast expanse of his mind. He is pulled from his armchair, soars up to the sky and into the clouds. Kyungsoo takes a deep breath allowing his mind to revive his will to live with imaged fresh clean air. The air up here should be cold, but Kyungsoo allows it to be a pleasant breeze. After a while he pulls himself away from the clouds and starts his descent. It is only a short drop before his feet hit a floating platform of solid grey granite rock. He is quick to steady himself and gracefully falls into a walk. The clouds around him slowly disperse as the rock around him being to shift. In front of him, a dais rises, sending a beautiful silver throne high into the air. As he ascends into the air to claim his throne, the stalls of a large arena fall into place. It is not long before the sound of thousands of people cheering fills the arena. Kyungsoo smiles to himself as he steps onto the floor of the dais, takes the leashes of the two leather strapped hunky men kneeling on either side of the throne and sits in his rightful place. He holds up one hand the arena falls silent. 

He clears his throat. “Good evening.” His voice is amplified around the arena, bouncing off the stalls and echoing around. Kyungsoo smiles, wrapped to have the undivided attention of everyone. “Today we are gathered to trail and find the guilty one who has turned our lovely leader into a ferret!” The crowd roars and Kyungsoo continues, “First we shall bring forward the Eldest! I summon Kim Minseok and his council!” 

A small gate opens from one of the stalls, Minseok and Luhan are pushed through into the arena. The crowd thunders in excitement as they make their way towards the small table and chairs positioned in front of the dais. Kyungsoo hushes the thousands of people as the two take their seat.  
“Introduce yourself,” Kyungsoo asks.  
Luhan stands, “What the fuck is this Kyungsoo?”  
Kyungsoo frowns. Two dogs appear, tugging at the chains attached to the bottom of the dais, furiously barking and gnashing their teeth in an attempt to reach the defendant, but stopping a foot away. Luhan jumps back, “WHAT THE FUCK!” he screams. Minseok grabs onto his arm in fear.  
They both look up at Kyungsoo, “I'm my mind palace you shall obey me, Luhan, now introduce yourself.”  
Luhan looks from Kyungsoo to the dogs and eventually speaks. “My name is Luhan and I will be representing Kim Minseok today.” The crowd boo and hiss.  
Kyungsoo holds up his hand and they fall silent again. “For the sake of a fair and just trail you shall be present to defend your client if he fails to defend himself, however, this is my mind palace so I get the final say.”  
“That’s not fair-” Luhan starts  
“and you’re a loud mouth bitch.” When in his mind palace Kyungsoo can say whatever he wants, and boy, does it feel good to see Luhan shocked face. “Let's begin!” Kyungsoo bellows. At his words darkness and tiki torches that are positioned on every step of the dais and around Minseok and Luhan, burst into flames. 

Suddenly a plinth appears next to him, upon which a lovely velvet cushion rests and their ferret Junmyeon sleeps. Kyungsoo moves to the edge of his seat and looks down at Minseok.  
“Do you recognise this ferret?” He asks.  
Minseok slowly stands, “Um yes, that’s Junmyeon.”  
“Do you know how this happened to him?”  
“No….”  
“Kim Minseok, where were you this morning when our Leader Hyung was turned into a ferret?”  
“Um, in bed.” He speaks. The crowd mutter at the typical answer  
“Can anyone vouch for that?”  
“Um, Luhan can.” Gay shits.  
“I see,” Kyungsoo says, “Where you there all night?”  
“Yes.”  
Kyungsoo is a smart man, he knows that Minseok, while practically an angel, could be lying, so he shifts his questioning from the crime itself to motive. 

“Kim Minseok, do you hate our leader?”  
Minseoks eyes go wide, “Wha-“  
“Or dislike him enough to change him into a ferret?”  
“Of course no-.“  
Luhan stands, “Kyungsoo what the-“ The dogs spring back to bark Luhan back to his seat. Kyungsoo continues  
“Do you not resent him in the slightest?”  
“No! I don’t hate Junmyeon at all!”  
“I find that hard to believe. Were you or were you not overlooked as the leader because of him?”  
“Not really.”  
“But it must be hard to take orders from someone younger than you?”  
“Well, sometimes but Junmyeonnie is always fair.”  
Kyungsoo scoffs. Minseok glares, “Listen, I have to take more orders from Kris than Junmyeon, and Junmyeon is a far better leader than that dolt. You don’t see Kris being a ferret now?” Kyungsoo and the entire crowd nod, Minseok is not wrong.  
“Alright, I’ll give you that.” He starts, “But what about your cleaning habits, does it not annoy you that our leader is a notoriously messy individual?”  
“Yeah, but so is the rest of the fucking band.”  
“But did you or did you not snap at him the other day, if I recall correctly you said ‘Pick up your fucking rubbish! And you’re yoghurt containers go into the recycling, not the general waste, Junmyeon! If you take part in killing our environment again I’ll take part in killing you!” The crowd gasps. Minseok looks down at his feet.  
Luhan stands, “Woah! Kyungsoo, that was an exaggeration!”  
“Exaggerations can always be acted upon, Luhan.”  
“And I think you're just being a bitch Kyungsoo, we all know Minseok didn’t do it.” Luhan starts, “We all know Junmyeon is his favourite, Junmyeon always compliments him and is the only respectful kid in his band!”  
Minseok speaks up to defend himself as well, “And I think I'm the only one who genuinely thinks Junmyeonnie is funny.” 

Kyungsoo slowly nods as he considers this, his hyungs are correct. “You are right. Minseok Hyung, I find you not guilty!”  
Minseok and Luhan jump up and hug.  
“Not so fast.” Kyungsoo stops their celebration. “Luhan is yet to be trialled.”  
Luhan rolls his eyes and gives Kyungsoo a pointed look, “both you and I know Kyungsoo that I am not motivated to do anything if it doesn’t involve Minseok.”  
Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow, unimpressed by Luhan’s patronising tone, “What if it does involve Minseok? Are you not jealous that Junmyeon-Hyung calls Minseok Hyung his best friend?” Luhan freezes, his eye twitches a bit, but he says nothing. Minseok slowly wraps his arm around his boyfriend, as Kyungsoo continues. “What about the fact that it is Junmyeon-Hyung that wakes Minseok every morning. Junmyeon is the first face that your boyfriend sees every morning. Does that not bug you?”  
Minseok squeezes his boyfriends arms, “Lu Lu…” Luhan’s jaw clenches.  
“What about that fact that-“ Kyungsoo grins wickedly, “Junmyeon is clearly Minseok’s favourite dongsaeng.”  
“Now listen here you little shit-” Luhan starts shoving the table aside to fight Kyungsoo, but Minseok holds him back. Luhan struggles against his boyfriend and starts cussing out Kyungsoo, “HOW DARE YOU FUCKING QUESTION MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MINSEOK! YOU FUCKING SLAG!!”  
The crowd gasp. Kyungsoo gives them a ‘do you really wanna go there’ look. Minseok is quick to shove his boyfriend behind him and starts defending his hopeless boyfriend. “Kyungsoo, Luhan is so whipped for me that he would never do anything to hurt me, including harming my best friend, as you suggest.” Minseok is a lot better council than Luhan ever was. 

Kyungsoo smiles. “This is why Minseok Hyung is the better half of this relationship.” Luhan goes to say something but Minseok shoves his entire fist into Luhan's mouth. “Okay, you two are innocent.” 

They are soon replaced by Baekhyun and Chanyeol, much to Kyungsoo’s disappointment, but he has to do his job, so he will be fair. Baekhyun sits down, staring longingly and confused at the two shirtless men kneeling at Kyungsoos side while Chanyeol stares longingly at the dogs.  
“You’re boys for rent Soo?” Baekhyun greasily winks in Kyungsoos direction.  
“No. Go fuck yourself.” Kyungsoo tells him, “and you can’t pet the dogs, you big oaf.” Chanyeol sadly sits down in the chair next to Baekhyun. The crowd mutter their annoyances at the pair to each other. 

Kyungsoo clears his voice, “I guess we will start this trial, Chanyeol stand.”  
Chanyeol clumsily obeys and then he bows. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.  
“Do you recognise this ferret?” He asks  
“Yes! That’s Junmyeon hyung!” Chanyeol answers a lil giddy at the fact that the ferret is also here. Baekhyun rolls his eyes and fake gags to prove a point.  
“Baekhyun it's not your trail yet, so shut the fuck up.” Kyungsoo sighs, “Chanyeol, do you know how Junmyeon is in this state?”  
“No but I love it.” he wistfully looks up at Junmyeon. Junmyeon stirs in his sleep, clearly feeling the creepiness radiating of Chanyeol.  
Kyungsoo moves the ferret to his lap in protection. “You’re not presenting a good case for yourself.”  
“I didn’t turn him into a ferret.” Chanyeol defends himself, “I’m just not mad that he is one.”  
Kyungsoo leans forward, “So when you told me that you have imaged us all as you pet animals…?”  
Chanyeols eyes widened at the memory, “That’s just a dream! A fantasy! I would never hurt anyone!”  
“Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun stands up, “And like, has way to dumb to be able to anything, let alone turn a person into a ferret.”  
Chanyeol nods vigorously, “even if I wanted all of you to be ferrets in my super cool ferret house in my super cool ferret clothes and we would always be best friends forever, and I would love you forever and would never ever leave you guys and we can play cool ferret games and have ferret partie-“  
“Chanyeol!” Baekhyun shouts.  
“Um yeah sorry,” Chanyeol shakes the ferret fantasies out of his head, “I would never make you become ferrets… you guys are pretty cool humans too.”  
Baekhyun nods, “See, he admits to the mens rae, but you will never be able to prove the actus rae.”  
Kyungsoo squints, “Mens rae? Actus rae?”  
Baekhyun sniffs and crosses his arms, “I watch Suits, sometimes.”  
Kyungsoo leans back in his throne and contemplates the argument presented. “You’re correct Baekhyun, Chanyeol is, while a creepy fucking furry, too dumb and too kind to do this.” Chanyeol sighs in relief and sits down, “…but you aren’t.” 

Baekhyun gasps. “Did you just admit that I am smart Do Kyungsoo?” he places his hands on the table and leans forward, grinning wickedly. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.  
“No, you’re a dumb hoe, but you’re not too stupid to excuse you for this crime.”  
“I think you just wanna see me in some chains Soo~” Baekhyun winks.  
“No.” Kyungsoo deadpans. “But I think you're chaotic enough to turn Junmyeon into a ferret.”  
Baekhyun wrinkles, “Um, sure, I'll take the compliment, but, into a ferret? Out of all the animals, why, in your little theory, would I turn him into a ferret instead of a cute lil pup that I can cuddle?” The crowd mummer in agreement, Baekhyun has a fair point.  
Kyungsoo thinks for a second then grins. “Maybe, Baekhyun, you wanted to punish Junmyeon Hyung.”  
Baekhyun looks taken aback, “Um Kyungsoo, don’t push your kinks on me.” and then he gives Kyungsoo an exaggerated disgusted look.  
Kyungsoo considers some casual homicide but decides to continue his questioning. Gosh, he is a saint.  
“I put it to you, Baekhyun, that you turned our leader hyung into the image of what you despise most, a ferret because you were jealous that hyung gets more affection than you.”  
“Wh-wh-what! Kyungsoo!” Baekhyun splutters.  
“Are you not envious that you are, to quote you, ‘a total cutie’ and yet Jumyeon gets all the attention from hyungs like Yixing hyung and Minseok hyung when it's obvious that you're desperate for it?”  
Baekhyun looks outright offended, like properally upset at Kyungsoos words.  
“Kyungsoo….” Chanyeol starts, “That’s a bit mean…”  
Then Baekhyun lets loose. “Now listen here you little shit, let me tell you that I get all the attention I fucking desire because I am a good fucking friend and person. I am my own person and I do not need others to make myself feel good! I am not desperate for Yixing or Minseok, I don’t need their attention and your just a spiteful small man for suggesting it.” and with that, he crosses his arms over his chest and turns his back. Chanyeol moves next to his boyfriend and Baekhyun grabs Chanyeol's arm and smashes his face into Chanyeols shoulder.  
The arena is silent. Kyungsoo, even in his own mind palace feels a bit guilty. Then Chanyeol speaks  
“He wouldn’t turn Junmyeon hyung into a ferret cause he is jealous… why would Baekie be jealous or need attention, everyone loves him… I love him and give him lots of attention. If anything turning Junmyeon into a ferret takes, even more, the attention he needs, as you suggest, away from him.” ‘

Kyungsoo thinks, “You two are correct. You both didn’t do it. be gone.” And with a flick of his wrist, both boys disappear from the arena and Kyungsoo feels better again.

Sehun and Jongin are the next two to walk through the gate. Kyungsoo grins. Here they are, he thinks, the couple of this generation.  
“Hey Hyung?” Sehun looks around, “What are we doing here?”  
Kyungsoo sighs hearing his voice, “I have to question you about Junmyeons current ferret predicament.”  
Jongin stands next to Sehun, looking around at the arena, scared by the large rowdy crowd. “But why here?”  
Kyungsoo sighs. The two men beside him and the crowd disappear and the throne expands to become a three seater throne. He pats the space beside him and Sehun and Jongin make their way up the dais and sit on either side of him.  
He puts his arms around each of them and they snuggle into him. Jongin leans a hand over to Kyungsoos lap to pet Junmyeons ferret head.  
“Boys,” Kyungsoo asks softly, petting their hair softy. “Did either of you turn Junmyeon into a ferret?”  
Sehun sniffs, eyes trained on Junmyeon. “Why would we?  
Kyungsoo sighs, “Not sure. Sehunnie… did you want to keep Junmyeon all to yourself so you turned him into a ferret?”  
Sehun snorts, “Soo-Hyung that makes no sense. I already have Junmyeon hyung all to myself. I’m his favourite.” Little Jumyeon sighs in agreement under Jongin's touch.  
Kyungsoo turns his head to Jongin, “Hey Nini, what about you? Did you turn Hyung into a ferret?”  
“No, Soo-hyung.”  
Kyungsoo attempts to come up with reasons, “Um, Not even to get Yeolie off your back. You were his ferret before an actual ferret came along.”  
Jongin lifts his head up from Kyungsoos shoulder to look at him, “No Hyung, I can deal with him.”  
Kyungsoo looks at Jongin and then to Sehun and then back to Jongin. He gives Junmyeon over to Sehun before leaning up to Jongin's ear.  
“Nini, what about the fact that Junmyeon always steals your Sehunnies attention.” Kyungsoo whispers.  
Jongin goes bright red and then shakes his head. “No… Hyung also gives me cuddles.”  
Kyungsoo nods. “Okay boys, you guys can go now.”  
“Okay Hyung.” Both boys stand up and slowly make their way out of the arena. 

The crowd reappear after Sehun and Jongin exit the arena, and roar to life as Kris and Tao enter. Kyungsoo groans “The fuck is this? Does everyone have to come with their boyfriend?” The arena laughs and Tao turns bright pink as Kris snorts.  
“Nice one Soo.” He laughs and finger guns Kyungsoo as he swaggers over to the table in a leather jacket and sunglasses. Damn, even in Kyungsoos mind palace, Kris is the coolest person on earth. Once seated, Kris swings his long legs up onto the table and leans back becoming the most relaxed and swaggiest person Kyungsoo knows. Tao timidly takes his seat next to Kris.  
“Good evening.” Kyungsoo greets them.  
“Yo ayo!” Kris' finger guns him again.  
“Hi…” Tao manages to get out. Kyungsoo ignores him.  
“Kris Hyung I’m sorry to inconvenience you, like this, everyone, is being trailed.” Kyungsoo starts  
“Ah, that’s fine Lil’ Soo. You just gotta do what you gotta do.”  
Kyungsoo blushes a bit. “Oh yeah, um, thanks, Kris.” Kris gives Kyungsoo a nod and Kyungsoos heart flutters. Kyungsoo has to pull himself together, he has a trail to run. “So Kris, for an unbias trail, I have to ask, did you turn Junmyeon into a ferret?”  
Kris nods, “Haha no.” Kris winks and finger guns Kyungsoo again. “I wouldn’t do that too my fellow leader. I would never ever do anything to hurt him. Hahaha, I’m loyal.” (FUCKING LOL RIP)  
“You right.” Kyungsoo nods. “You’re very very right.” How could Kris not be, he is right about everything, EXO should consider his lyrical suggesting. He got the juice man. “Alright you’re innocent, and so is Tao.”  
Tao looks very confused. “Huh?”  
“You’re stupid enough to try something like this, but you're too stupid to pull it off. You’re innocent. Bye.”  
Tao is still confused. “Kyungsoo-“  
“You’re wasting my time! Goodbye! I’m done with couples!”  
Kris finger guns Kyungsoo, takes Tao by the hand and then boards his motorbike/ hovercraft and flies away.  
Gosh, Kyungsoo thinks, he is just so cool. 

Kyungsoo tries not to be too sad when Jongdae and Yixing turn up. They are good people, but they aren’t Kris Wu. “Let's get this over with.” He sighs and pushes himself back to his throne. Yixing and Jongdae take their seats.  
“Hey Kyungsoo,” Jongdae looks around, “The fuck is this place?”  
“This, dear Jongdae Hyung,” He gestures to the roaring crowds, the tiki torches and his throne, “is my happy place. It's my mind palace.”  
Jongdae looks around slowly, taking the whole scene in “Yeah that makes sense.” He mutters.  
Kyungsoo clears your throat. “I have to cross-examine you, to break you, to see if you turned Junmyeon Hyung into the ferret.”  
Yixing blinks and then softly smiles, “Okay Kyungsoo.” Kyungsoo’s heart weeps, “Why did I turn Junmyeon into a ferret?”  
Kyungsoo takes a deep breath as his mind whirs with ideas, then he exhales and begins. “Luhan might be right and you are a Chinese communist monk and wants to take over EXO by removing the leader to indoctrinate them in in his communist ways. That way the communist party back in China will be pleased with your work and then reward you for his efforts. Then as EXO are some of the biggest celebrities in Korea, they can slowly turn all of Korea communist and then Kim Jong-un would have won.”  
“...”  
“...”  
Yixing blinks, “What?”  
“You’re right,” Kyungsoo sighs, “Yixing you are an angel and way too perfect for us as a band, you’re innocent.”  
“Oh sweet.” Yixing smiles.  
“What about me, Soo?”Jongdae asks.  
Kyungsoo sighs, “What haven’t you done to make yourself look guilty?”  
“Hey! I’m completely innocent. Name one time I wanted to hurt Junmyeon Hyung.” He challenges.  
Kyungsoo thinks for a second, then he smiles. “Jongdae, did Junmyeon piss you off or not last week and you vowed vengeance?”  
“What?” Jongdae looks around confused as the crowd ‘ohhhhhhh’s  
“Last week,” Kyungsoo knows he is onto a winner here, “Sehun ate all the snacks and you got pissed cause you got yelled at the day previous for the same thing but when you dobbed Dehun in all you got was an ‘oh well, that’s life Dae.’”  
“Yeah well-“  
“And did you or did you not earlier today call for Junmyeons death.” Kyungsoo is sure he is found his guilty party.  
“I WAS STRESSED, SOO!” Jongdae screams in defence.  
Kyungsoo is not intimidated, “Mmmmm stressed enough to turn Junmyeon into a ferret? Were all his ‘bad jokes’ getting too much so you decided to silence him.”  
Jongdae is on the verge of tears again. “NO! I LOVE HYUNG! HES THE BEST PERSON I KNOW!” his voice cracks at the end. Huh, can’t even keep his voice steady, Kyungsoo should be main vocal.  
“Sounds fucking fake,” Kyungsoo concludes.  
Tears fall from Jongdaes eyes as he stares at Kyungsoo completely defeated. Then Yixing stands up.  
“Kyungsoo, Jongdae didn’t do it….” Yixing says softly and wraps his arms around Jongdae. “Jongdae is not a bad person, no one in this band would do that too Junmyeon. We all love him way too much.” 

 

That’s it! Kyungsoo thinks.  
And with that, his mind palace falls from around him and he descended back into the living room armchair. 

The dorm is brought back to Kyungsoo’s awareness in a mass of screaming.

“I’M TELLING YOU THAT JACKIE KENNEDY WAS IN ON IT! SHE WANTED HER HUSBAND DEAD AS MUCH AS THE CIA!!!”  
“YOU’RE SO FULL OF SHIT BAEKHYUN! CLEARLY, IT WAS THE CUBANS! JONGDAE AGREES WITH ME!”  
“JONGDAE IS CRYING LUHAN!”  
“IM NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING!”  
“It’s okay to cry, Dae Dae.”  
“I said IM NOT CRYING!”  
“Hey, guys is Minseok-ge dead?”  
“SHUT THE FUCK UP KRIS NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOU!”  
“No, he is just sleeping. If anyone is dead it’s Kyungsoo, that bitch hasn't moved in hours.”  
“None of this helps us figure out who turned Junmyeon into a ferret.” 

Kyungsoo clears his throat and gets the attention of the entire dorm.  
“Oh, shit he's alive-“  
“None of us did this to Junmyeon.” Kyungsoo starts. “We all love and respect Hyung, so none of us would do this to him.”  
The band is silent.  
“are you su-“ Baekhyun starts.  
“Yes, don’t fucking test me, Byun,” Kyungsoo growls, still not impressed by his earlier mind palace experience.  
“Then who did the spirit mean?” Jongin asks.  
“The spirit was clearly full of shit.” Kyungsoo starts. (A book falls off the shelf in anger)  
Everyone is silent again.  
“what if…..” Chanyeol starts, “it wasn’t a physical being…. But a supernatural one….?”  
Baekhyun gasps, “What do you mean by that?”  
Chanyeol clutches Junmyeon (how he got his hands on him again is a mystery to Kyungsoo) too his chest and whispers.  
“What about… a demon.”


	7. Bin Vessel

Tao screams…. Again.

“A DEMON!” He pulls his hands to his chest (dragging Baekhyun and Jongdae into a headbutt during the process)

Chanyeol nods sadly, “A demon could be a ‘who’ like the spirit suggests but also not one of us… also, they are evil.”  
“I take offence to that,” Luhan says, “Let's not generalise demons here.”

“We should try to see if one is here at least!” Baekhyun says taking his boyfriend's side.  
Minseok sighs and slumps against Luhan. “Can we go to bed?” he asks so sadly it’s almost a whine, “Its midnight and we have already summoned a spirit who is now knocking over all our stuff.” The salt flies off the table at Minseok’s comment and Minseok lets about another sadness filled sigh. “I just want to sleep.” He whines. Luhan rubs his back soothingly and kisses the top of Minseok’s head. As if to prove Minseok’s point, Jongin lets out a big (ADORABLE) yawn with an adorable little squeak. Sehun died a little on the inside.  
Kris claps his hands, “Alright, bedtime gang.”

Sehun scrunches his face, “Ew don’t call us pet names.”

Jongdae sighs as he stands, “Now you know what I suffer every day.” He looks down at Sehun sadly, “You’re lucky you got Jun-Hyung.”

Kris is hurt??? Junmyeon clearly isn’t impressed at the slander of Kris as he squeaks in pointed disappointment at his bands lack of gratitude. Chanyeol looks down at the ferret as the ferret squeaked and gestured his body towards Kris. Chanyeol sadly hands the animal back to Kris and Junmyeon comfortably positioned himself back on Kris neck. Kris’s heart fills with unfamiliar rainbow coloured emotions, and a small smile graces his attractive(? a.n- Im not sure? Is it attractive??? I’m genuinely confused/concerned) face.  
“Well, that’s gay,” Luhan concludes, staring at Kris.

Kris scowls, “let's just go to bed.”

 

That night, as the band sleeps, a figure creeps down the corridor of the dorm and stops outside Kris Wu's room. The figure slowly swings the door open, casting a long menacing shadow across the floor and onto the bed where Kris lay. Junmyeon, still in ferret form, lie sleeping on Kris’s chest. The figure creeps softly towards the bed. They reach a hand towards the small mammal but before he can get his clutches on the animal, kris grunts and covers the ferret with a hand, essentially hugging the ferret. The ferret lets out a little content sigh and snuggles further into Kris’s grip. The figure stares for awhile before turning and leaving, knowing that he won't be able to get the ferret. Well, for tonight at least.

 

The band wakes, completely unaware of the events of the previous night and ready for Chanyeol's plan to summon a demon.  
“Why?” Kyungsoo asked, tired from a sleepless night, “Why on earth would we summon a demon? We already have a BITCH ASS ghost in our dorm.” The ghost in question knocks Kyungsoo’s phone off the table… again. Kyungsoo sighs sadly. He can feel the ghost is smirking like the smug the little bitch it is. Kyungsoo wants to die. Yixing gives him a hug.

“I'm sure a demon wouldn't be that bad….” Chanyeol starts.

Tao screams, “You’re an IDIOT!” Everyone turns to him, he continues, “a demon worse than a GHOST! Demons are literally from EMBODIMENTS OF EVIL YOU FUCKING MORON!”

“Woah chill, Tao,” Kris places a firm hand on Tao's chest, “no need to scream at him.”

Chanyeol looks at his feet, disheartened, tears pricking his eyes. The band aws at him while sending glares at Tao.

Jongdae looks around the room, “anyone wanna summon a demon in spite of Tao?”

Everyone puts their hands up.

This is the kinda team bonding Junmyeon likes to see… well, sort of.

 

After finding out that wiki-how does not have a demon summoning page, the boys dig through a bunch of online articles and find out summoning a demon isn’t as simple as summoning a ghost. Jongin has taken Sehun out to find some chalk to draw the sigil on the ground. Kyungsoo has taken Yixing into a corner as they try to find a pray that works.  Baekhyun and Jongdae cuddle on the couch and groan loudly as Luhan, Chanyeol and Kris trawl through online demon encyclopedias trying to find the right demon to summon for their case. Tao, who eventually came around to the idea after being kicked in the shins by Minseok a couple of times, makes the final decision as he suggests the demon Ose. “He’s the demon of transforming things.” Tao explains, offhandedly

“Oh yeah I knew that” Luhan scoffs, “just general knowledge!”

“Don't be a dick,” Minseok warns his boyfriend

Baekhyun looks up from across the room, “YOU TELL HIM NOW?!? That man has never not been a dick!”

Minseok shrugs.

 

Junmyeon on Kris’s head squeaks. Kris pulls him into his hands and brings Junmyeon down to see the computer. The little ferret makes an unhappy noise. _He probably doesn't want us to do this_  Kris thinks. Kris himself is not sure if they should do this. A ghost is one thing, but a demon, a fucking demon. Kris has been forced to watch his fair share of horror movies with his fav lil bud Kyungsoo, and he knows that these situations never end well. Then again, it's the movies, they always tend to be overly dramatic. Thinking about it, Kris isn't even sure that demons are real. The rest of the band seem to be on board but as previously established, they are all fucking idiots. But then, Kris looks down at Junmyeon in his hands, does Kris even want Junmyeon to become human again. He sort of likes Junmyeon being a Ferret. It's not malicious, Kris doesn't want the little leader to be in pain, and it's not even a power play. Kris desperately doesn't want to be the sole leader of EXO, they are fucking idiots. Kris looks down at Junmyeon, Junmyeon looks up at him with the most adorable little ferret gaze.

 

It's this.

 

This is why Kris doesn't want Junmyeon to be human again, he just wants Junmyeon to stare at him the way little ferret Junmyeon does, always. He knows he's selfish but Junmyeon has never voluntarily been around Kris this much before. When he's human Junmyeon refuses to make eye contact with Kris when it's just the two of them, and leaves the room quickly when they are left alone. Its infuriating because all Kris really wants is to be around the cute leader more. Last night Junmyeon spent the entire night with Kris, tucked up on Kris chest and, not to be dramatic, but it was the best night of his life.  

 

It's at this point the maknaes return. “We got the goods!”

“What took you so long?” Baekhyun asks, “Did you stop to suck each other's dick along the way?”

They both blush. Kinda adorable if you ask Kyungsoo. Junmyeon sighs fondly.

Jongdae claps his hands loudly. “Alright, now everyone is here! Let’s summon a demon!”

 

Once again they prepare the room. Kyungsoo draws up the sigil on the ground. Jongdae lights the candles. Baekhyun practices his demon summoning chant. Kris holds Junmyeon. The rest of the band stands around awkwardly. The shades are drawn and the lights turned off.  
Baekhyun clears his throat. Does a vocal warm-up or two. Baekhyun opens his mouth but is interrupted.  
“There is no need to chant,” Tao tells him.  
Baekhyun turns around. “What?”  
Tao shrugs as if trying to act natural. “They only use it in the movies for drama. The real process is much more simple.”

Everyone turns to Tao. Jongin is fucking terrified. Sehun speaks “Tao…. You're scary.”

“Fucking hell he is!” Luhan blurts out, “He's fucking creepy! We deal with shit every fucking day in China!”

“Hey,” Kyungsoo speaks up, “leave the kid alone, he just has interesting passions.”

“You’re just as bad as him!” Luhan directs at Kyungsoo. “You two are fucking insane!” he points aggressively at both of them.

Minseok slaps his hand down, “enough Luhan!” he scolds

Luhan looks at his feet and shuts the fuck up.

Baekhyun looks back at Tao, “So what do we do?”

Tao glares at Luhan as he speaks, “You need to provide an offering to convince him to show up. Something really precious.”

“Nini,” Sehun says absentmindedly

“What?” Yixing asks?

Sehun realises the whole band is staring at him, including Jongin. Sehun flushes bright red. “Nini... is precious,” he mutters. The whole band aw at the maknaes cuteness.  
“As cute as that is, we can't offer up Jongin.” Kyungsoo points out. “anyone got anything material that's precious to them?”

Everyone stops to think. Kris looks down at Junmyeon in his hands. He sighs. “I have the last letter my Grandfather sent me before he died.”

The band goes quiet. Junmyeon looks up at him and shakes his head. Kris smiles down at the ferret.

“Yeol can you hold Jun,” he holds out the ferret. Chanyeol takes him willingly.

Junmyeon squeaks in protest as Kris walks away. It doesn't take long to find the letter, Kris keeps it by his bedside. He knows that its stupid to put a lot of emotional value into objects. They get lost, bent, and dented. He knows that his emotions towards his grandfather will not change with the letter gone but… its not going to be easy. And…. And… its for Junmyeon, it's for the band. He sighs deeply and pulls out the letter. He doesn't look at it before walking back to the band.

He places the letter in the middle of the sigil. Chanyeol quickly hands Junmyeon back to him who immediately nuzzles into Kris palm. He looks down and Junmyeon chirps up at him. He knows it will be worth it.

 

They all look back to Tao who just shrugs. “We wait,” he says.

 

Jongdae groans loudly and dramatically collapses on Yixing. Yixing catches him, and they both tumble onto the couch. Giggles ensue. Luhan rolls his eyes but keeps his tongue, still feeling Minseok's slap from earlier.

 

Junmyeon pets Kris’s hand and Kris raise him to his face and Junmyeon moves to the very edge of Kris palm and gently places his nose on Kris’s. Kris’s heart swells.

 

Then- BANG! An ear splitting bang deafens the room. The whole band jump and their eyes are drawn to the sigil, the source of the noise.

 

In front of them, in the middle of the sigil, stands the one. The only.

 

Vin Diesel.

“What the fuck,” Kyungsoo exclaims, very done with this entire situation. The rest of the band is in various forms of shock.  
Mr Diesel turns to him, “rude?”  
Baekhyun tilts his head, “You the demon?”  
Tao slaps his arm and the bows. Only some of the band follows. Vin Diesel nods at Tao approvingly.  
“My name is Ose. You summoned me?”  
“Nah mate,” Luhan starts, “You're that American beefcake actor… bin petrol or something.”

The demon slowly turns to him, the human eyes of Vin Diesel slowly turning to red and flickering like fire. “Listen…. Mate” he says slowly, “this may not be my normal appearance, however my form does have a purpose.”

“A bigger dick?” Luhan says before he can stop himself. Minseok smacks him for the second time that day.

Vin Diesel glares at Luhan, and Minseok forces both of them into a bow. The fire calms a bit in the demon's eyes. Then he turns to the rest of the band, “I know why you summoned me, humans.”  
Baekhyun lights up, “okay cool! So you can do that and we-” Then Vin Diesel starts laughing.

“It’s not that simple baby boy,” The demon chuckles, utilizing the SHIT out of Vin Diesel's husky sexy voice.

Baekhyun grins seductively, “Then how complicated is it big daddy~” it’s not everyday Vin Diesel calls you baby boy, you gotta take that opportunity.  
Vin Diesel chuckles again, “Not too complicated, but I don’t do my work for free. If you want your bandmate to no longer be a small…. Rat-”  
“Ferret.” kris corrects. Vin Diesel looks at him, Kris looks down, “He’s a ferret now.” Junmyeon pats his hand.

Vin Diesel looks kris up and down and continues, “If you want the _ferret_ to no longer be a ferret, then I propose a trade.”

Baekhyun whines, “Wasn’t Kris-hyungs letter enough?” he gives Vin Diesel his best puppy eyes.  
Vin Diesel looks at Baekhyun, “Oh baby, while your cute, I demand something more than a febel letter and your beautiful eyes?”  
“Like what?” Chanyeol asks a bit grumpy. He was not completely happy with his boyfriend flirting with the star of the multimillion-dollar movie franchise fast and furious, Vin Diesel.  
Vin Diesel gives one look at Chanyeol and scoffs, “Alright. Furry.”  
Kyungsoo almost dies of laughter. Poor boy probably burst something. Vin Diesel smiles in pride before turning to Kris.

He looks Kris right in the eye before moving closer. “Kris Wu.” He saws slowly as if testing the name.  
“Um… that's me…” Kris says slowly.  
Vin Diesel smiles, “Kris, I propose a trade with you.”  
Kris blinks, “Um, I’ll do whatever!” He says after adjusting to the demons solo attention.

  
Vin Diesel takes a couple of steps forward till he is standing mere feet before Kris. “For me to reverse this dark magic and turn your _friend,”_ He says in a teasing tone, “human again, I ask of you one thing.” He grins wickedly “I would like you to leave this band, leave your friends here, come to America and do a movie with me! Vin Diesel.” he finishes with a little turn.  
  
The whole band gasps, even Luhan.  
“No way is Kris leaving us!” Jongdae protests, “Not now! Not ever!” The whole band, even Luhan, nod and make noises of approval.

Vin Diesel pouts, “Aw come on Kris, sure, you’ll never be able to see these people again, but your lil bud here can be human and you can be an international star. Sounds like a win-win for me.”

 

Kris looks down at Junmyeon in his hands. Junmyeon looks up at him with wide eyes and starts furiously shaking his head and squeaking. Kris tries to put his hand to calm the ferret but Junmyeon throws him off and continues squeaking.  
Yixing speaks up, “I think what Hyung is trying to say is, ‘’Kris Wu, if you say yes I will kill you,’ or something along those lines.”

Minseok speaks up next, “Kris, don’t you ever take that fucking deal. It will destroy the band, our image, and Junmyeon. Don’t you fucking think about it.”  
Kris turns around, “But he won’t be a ferret anymore! He will be normal human Junmyeon.”  
“But you won’t be there Kris!” Minseok argues back.  
“Who cares!” Kris yells at him.  
Before Minseok could reply Junmyeon bites down hard on Kris’s hand. Kris yelps and almost drops Junmyeon. He looks down and has never ever seen more fury in a tiny animal before in his entire life. He knows what Junmyeon is trying to say. He’s trying to say not to leave, that taking this deal would be stupid and they can find another way. And most of all Junmyeon is telling him not to leave. No matter what. Kris can’t leave.  
Kris stares down at the ferret who is now looking up with soft eyes, soft pleading ferret eyes.  
Junmyeon would never forgive him if he took this deal. Never forgive him if he left the band, no matter how logical it is.  
Kris softly pets Junmyeon’s head “But you’ll be human again…” He whispers softly to him. Junmyeon shakes his head softly and nuzzles his head into Kris’s (bleeding) hand. He can almost hear his voice begging him, “please don’t go.”

 

In all honesty, Kris isn’t sure he could leave. Physically, it would be easy. Pack a bag and leave. But leaving would mean leaving Junmyeon. Leaving would mean that Kris couldn’t see Junmyeon's face every day, or hear Junmyeon laugh every day. Its jealous, but he wants to stay. He wants to stay even if that means Junmyeon has to stay a ferret.  
  
Minseok comes up behind Kris and places his hand on Kris’s shoulder, “We will find another way, Kris.”

Junmyeon nods in agreement.  
Kris sighs.  
He looks Vin Diesel in the eye and says, “No. I will not take that deal.”  
Junmyeon nuzzles his whole body into Kris’s hand and chirps in happiness.  
  
Vin Diesel sighs sadly, “Well Kris.” He clicks his tongue, “You stay here, and remain a nobody.” He slowly walks back into the sigil. “But remember this Kris,” He turns around to face Kris, “You could have been a baller, not a soldier.”  
  
And with that, he leaves. Poofs away into nothingness.  
  
“Who was that guy?”  
“Pretty sure it was Bruce Willis”

“Nah man, it's Jason Statham.”  
“Who?”  
“Rocky!”  
“You guys are all wrong, it was morgan freeman.”  
“He’s Spanish! That guy was white!”  
“Oh My God! I’m surrounded by idiots!”  
“Then who do you think it is Luhan?”  
“Duh, Will Ferrell!”

Screaming ensues.

 

That night, once again a figure graces Kris Wu's room. An, like the previous night they cannot claim what they came to take. The figure curses as they stare down at the ferret curled into Kris’s side, sleeping more soundly than he ever did when human. The figure turns to leave but gets his foot caught on one of Kris’s shitty graphic tees. He stumbles and Kris stirs. He sits up just in time to see the intruder fleeing his room.

 

“HEY!” Kris yells after the figure but it doesn't stop. Kris stumbles after it, but when he reaches the door, the figure is gone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL


	8. Weasel War Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/VdRXuyBOyow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhhahahahahahahaha, yeah, would you believe this took 4 months to write. yeah. wooooo. go me
> 
> This chapter is made up of montages. Pls click the links for the soundtrack.

“What the actual fuck is Junmyeon hyung doing?” Jongdae asks eloquently. 

The leader in question is performing a very weird dance in the living room over breakfast..after his morning hit of raw beef the ferret hid himself behind the TV. As soon as Kris sat down the little ferret flung himself from his hiding spot and disjointedly rolled/ranb towards Kris. When he made it, he flung himself over Kris’s bear foot, and then rammed into Kris’s ankle. It was only light, not a harsh hit, but as soon as Junmyeon finished he scampered back to the position behind the tv. Kris watches, endeared, smiling into his cereal. Junmyeon repeats the process, again and again, coming at Kris’s ankles from different paths from behind the tv. 

“Since no one has answered me.” Jongdae speaks, unimpressed, “I'll ask again, what the fuck is Jun-Hyung doing?” 

Chanyeol squints as he tracks the ferret's moves. He watches Junmyeon jump and roll around intently, Kyungsoo wonders if this is what Chanyeol thinks porn is. Then Chanyeol gasps, “It's the weasel war dance.” he whispers. 

This means literally nothing to everyone. They wait for Chanyeol to explain. He doesn’t. Minseok googles it.    
“They do this dance when they want to fight something…..” he says, he grins, “Or mate with it.”    
The band falls silent. 

Then everyone starts screaming at the same time.    
“OH MY GOD! JUNMYEON WANTS TO FUCK KRIS HYUNG WITH HIS TINY FERRET PENIS!!!” Baekhyun screams way too loudly for 8 am in the morning. 

Kris clenches asshole in fear. 

Minseok sighs and punches baekhyun in the dick.  Baekhyun falls, a wounded man. He clutches his dick, as he sinks to his knees, feeling all his future children being weakened by Minseok’s fist. He collapses on his side, groaning, in pain, weak.    
“My third best asset,” he whines and rocks from side to side.   
“Third?” Jongin whispers quietly. 

“After his butt and thighs,” Jongdae explains. 

“Ah” 

The rest of the band pointedly ignore Baekhyun and his pussy ass dick.

“He could also wanna fight him!” Chanyeol continues their previous conversation. “It’s a war dance”

Minseok scoffs, clearly waking up on the savage side of the bed today, “Baekhyun’s theory is more likely.”

Baekhyun dramatically glares up at Minseok, “THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU PUNCH ME!!!” he screams from the floor. Minseok gives him a swift kick in the stomach. Baekhyun groans again.

“Oh no,” Jongdae whispers, “His kidneys, his 37 th best assets.”

Kyungsoo laughs and pets Jongdae on the back.

This is the best day of Jongdae’s life.

Junmyeon, oblivious to the band's argument, shoots out from the TV again and runs smack into Baekhyun. He falls back and lets out a lil ferret cry. Kris immediately jumps to his feet and scoops up the lil ferret. Junmyeon snuggles his face into Kris’ massive palm.

“Baekhyun!” he scolds, “Get off the floor! Junmyeon could get hurt!”

Baekhyun whines,  “I feel fucking attacked.”

Kyungsoo squats next to him looks him dead in the eye and says quietly, “its because you’re a little bitch.” Then he gives Baekhyun’s ass a hard smack. The sound resonates around the dorm. Jongdae rubs his own ass in sympathy. 

Baekhyun just whines, not being able to tell if he is turned on or in pain. Probably both.

Kris ignores them, too caught up in rubbing Junmyeon’s little ferret head better. The ferret looks up at him with big ferret eyes. He jumps around in Kris’ hand till Kris raises Junmyeon to his eye level. Then Junmyeon leans all the way forward to place a little lick on Kris’ nose.

The rainbow gay ass emotions fill Kris’ chest again and his face turns bright red. Junmyeon turns in a circle happily. Kris pats his back settling him before kissing Junmyeon quickly on the head, praying no one sees him.

Of course, Sehun sees him. The boy says nothing. But he grins. He grins like a fucking evil mastermind and nods at Kris silently. Kris flushes bright red and looks everywhere but Sehun. Junmyeon buries his face into Kris had and vibrates happily. 

 

Kyungsoo stands up. “Kris.” he says with intensity, “May I hold Junmyeon?” 

Junmyeons head whips up. He looks at kyungsoo and jumps up and down in Kris’s hand, squeaking happily. 

Kris smiles down, “Um- sure Soo.” 

Kyungsoo whispers “yis" before stretching out his hands to receive the ferret. 

 

Byun Baekhyun has other hand has something else planned. Something overtakes his soul. He’s not sure what it is, revenge for the earlier UNJUST beatings or his desire to be the best Netball wing defence player in the world, or maybe a mix of the two. As Junmyeon is passed from Kris to Kyungsoo, something forces Baekhyun's body up from the ground to slam the ferret straight into Jongdae's bowl of Coco Pops. 

 

Coco Pops and milk fly out and splatters on every surface in the immediate area, including Minseok. Tears spring to Minseok's eyes as he looks down at the milk sinking into the new expensive canvas couch. Luhan moves to his boyfriend's side and starts wiping the coco pops away.

 

Jongdae doesn't move. He sadly looks down at his cereal which now has the added bonus of being served with a falaying ferret. Kris on the other hand springs into action. He immediately lunges towards the cereal and scoops out the ferret with on of his large yaoi hands. Kyungsoo also springs into action and kicks Baekhyun right in the armpit.  Baekhyun screams like he has been shot and dramatically tumbles back to the floor at jongdae's feet. Jongdae looks down at his fallen friend before slowly tipping the rest of the cereal on Baekhyun’s face. 

 

Baekhyun screams again, “THIS IS WATERBOARDING!!!” he shrieks to no one who cares. “OBAMA SAID NO!!”

Jongdae doesn't give a shit and continues to pour the milk and cause Byun Baekhyun is a dumbass he doesn't make an attempt to move, just sit there and scream like a dumbass. 

 

Yixing hands Kris a wet towel and Kris starts trying to clean Junmyeon. The ferret slumps, soggy and sweet. Kris coos softly, “It’s alright jun, we will get you cleaned up.”

 

Cleaning a ferret is about as easy as wrangling a living feather duster into the water… that screams, thrashes and bites. Kris offered to do it, however, the band elected the resident ferret expert Chanyeol to do it. In fact! Kris has been evicted because he cannot seem to stop delegating from the corner. Junmyeon is clearly upset by this situation.

 

This does not deter Park Chanyeol however. Chanyeol has the ferret in one hand, a bottle of ferret shampoo in one hand, bubbles falling out of his ass and love pouring out of his heart. Chanyeol knows ferrets are naturally wiggly but Junmyeon is a particularly squirmy fellow, probably because he was so excited for his bath. [Chanyeol](https://youtu.be/AWMXRV28Bzw) grips him tighter and stares down at the ferret in his hand.  The ferret looks up at Chanyeol, his little black eyes glisten with love he holds for the tall man. Chanyeol’s grip loosens a little bit and the ferret wiggles around in his palm happily. Chanyeol let's go with one hand and runs his hand through his hair, never losing sight of the most pretty ferret. He smiles down lovingly at the ferret and the ferret cutely wiggles his butt back. The little ferret wiggles a bit too hard and falls. Chanyeol is swift to catch the beautiful little animal. The little ferret thanks his saviour by nipping playfully at Chanyeol’s thumb, a sort of kiss. The poor little ferret nipped too hard and drew blood.    
“Ouch!” Chanyeol lets out a cry. The little ferret looks up in concern and guilt for hurting the most loving member. Chanyeol’s heart melts at this cute little baby ferret. He pets his head, “ it's okay, baby boy.” he murmurs, “I’m okay.”

 

 

[Baekhyun](https://youtu.be/ITuOddPeYoc) leans against the far wall watching the spectacle from afar. He licks his lips and he enjoys the view of his hunky boyfriend slowly getting wet while bathing the ferret. Time slows and Byun Baekhyun watches water droplets fall onto Chanyeol's arms. Big, Thick, Toned, Tanned, Delicious arms. He suppresses a moan as Chanyeol flips his hair back running a wet hair exposing Chanyeol’s neck, his eyes falling shut and his mouth falling open. Baekhyun nods approvingly as Chanyeol’s muscles stretch and then flex as he heroically catches the ferret from falling. Byun likes a hero. Heros are sexy. The ferret then bites his hero. Baekhyun gasps, but Chanyeol just shrugs it’s off, like a proper man. Baekhyun watches as Chanyeol regains control over the ferret and damn, wouldn’t he like to be manhandled like that. He saves this memory for later. Chanyeol goes to dunk the ferret into the sink, bending a bit, his pants stretching a bit right over that firm ass. Byun swallows hard as he checks that juicy ass. The ferret has other plans as he flips up, flicking water at the hunk bathing him. Chanyeol groans as he lifts his head avoiding the splash and arching his back into a sensual s-line. His tanned flawless skin is flecked with little droplets of soapy water that Byun Baekhyun wants to lick away. He lets out a small appreciative growl,   _ God he's one lucky man. _

 

 

 

_ This is the softest fucking furry shit I have ever seen,[ Kyungsoo](https://youtu.be/94nDCm4NqIA) _  thinks as he watches the poor helpless giant try to bath the leader. The light bounces off his flushed tanned skin highlighting the cutest expression of frustration. Kyungsoo has the overwhelming urge to protect that tall boy as the ferret jumps out of the sink and starts scampering towards the exit. Chanyeol scrambles, slipping a bit adorably on the bath mat, as he tries to recapture the ferret.

 

 

Kim [Jongdae](https://youtu.be/LYN6DRDQcjI), who was busy, has also stopped to watch Chanyeol.  _ Who told Park Chanyeol that it was a good fucking idea to bathe a ferret. Oh shit he's on the floor. Guess who told him to get a non slip mat. Woah, would you look at that, it was Jongdae?! Mr Kim Chen himself. Chanyeol must feel like a fool now, all over the floor trying to grab the ferret. Junmyeon is so close to freedom, wet soggy freedom. Run little buddy. Run! Oh no Chanyeol got him. You had a good run Junmyeon. Prepare to die. He's up he's up he's up. Oh no. Hes down. He’s way down. Junmyeon is off. Hes soaring. He’s flying… into the shower curtain and he tumbles into the bath. Oh shit, what a thump. He gotta be dead. Oh wait. Lol, he’s still squeaking. How?? Man, if he is ever turned back that little man is gonna have a brain damage. A real fucked up leader. Shit exo is over now… or Minseok could be leader.  No that would be a dictatorship and a half. Let's not. Chanyeol is up. Chanyeol is in the bath. Oh no, the water is on. Ahahah everyone is wet now. Literally who said this was a good idea. Aren't ferrets self cleaning???? Junmyeon could have licked this own fur. When will Kris return from exile and stop this torture. _

 

 

[Kris ](https://youtu.be/YgSPaXgAdzE)walks a lonely road, the only one he has ever know. Hes walks these city streets. Like a fucking loser. He was kicked from the dorms after protesting against chanyeol, that fucking ferret lover, washing HIS ferret. Well, Junmyeon isn’t really his, he’s his own man but seriously Junmyeon has chosen Kris by this point. He loves kris, or maybe he just loves being tall. Kris is tall so by association Junmyeon loves Kris. Or maybe this is just Kris’ big fat crush in Junmyeon showing. He can't deny it anymore. He's been denying it ever since he saw that small leader in his shirt once. God that fucked him up. Now he's full blown in love with a ferret. An adorable fucking ferret. God. 

Rain starts to sprinkle down. Kris contemplates doing an emotional dance number in the rain but turns back to the dorm. He might pick up some sweet bread and milk for the ferret on the way home. He loves that shit. 

  
  


As soon as Kris walks through the dorms he is greeted by a very wet panicked ferret. Junmyeon flies across the form floor and smacks into Kris’s ankles. Kris drops his bread bags and scoops up the small scared animal. Junmyeon is shaking, and assuming he is cold, he holds junmyeon close to his burberry cashmere sweater. Junmyeon immediately buries his little body into the soft soft fabric. He sighs a deep sigh of relief and slowly stops shaking. Kris smiles and rubs the ferrets back, trying to warm him up. Chanyeol stumbles through the door into the living room, equally as damp as Junmyeon, “where's the ferret?!” he asks in hysterics.

“the fuck did you do to him?” Kris asks him back.

“I just wanted to give him a bath!!” chanyeol complain, slightly breathless, “but he kept wiggling! He slashed me!” 

Kris looks down at the ferret nodding off in his hands, “you were probably too rough on him.” 

The ferret softly squeaks in agreement. 

“What!” Chanyeol protests, “No! He wasn’t cooperating!” 

Kris walks over to the side and puts Junmyeon on the bench. Junmyeon whines and squeaks in protest but Kris quickly gives him the sweetbread. Junmyeon jumps up and down and squeals happily. Kris tears it up into little pieces and places them in front of Jun. Then he takes off his jumper and wraps that little ferret init. His heart swells as Jun picks up the bread between his lil ferret hands and starts eating it while snuggling into his jumper. He rubs Junmyeon’s head before turning back to Chanyeol.

 

“You should have just let me wash him.” Kris starts.    
“Cause I know ferrets!” Chanyeol argues. 

“Least I wouldn’t give him a heart attack. Did you drop hi-”

“No!”    
“Yeah, he did!” Jongdae swaggers in, “He threw Jun Hyung and fell on his ass,” he cackles.

Anger fills Kris. “What the fuck!” Kris shoots Chanyeol a glare, “You did what! Is he hurt?!” He turns to the ferret and sees a happy ferret munching on bread.    
“No no! It wasn’t my fault!” Chanyeol tries to defend himself. But it only angers Kris more. 

“You fucking-!” 

 

Junmyeon does not give a single shit about all the fighting. He really couldn’t care less. He has his sweetbread and he loves his fucking sweetbread. He is there, warming up in Kris’s sweater and filling his tiny tummy. After a long day of water torture, he deserves this. He deserves carbs and warmth. Everything is good. It smells like Kris and protection. He feels safe. He looks up from his bread to see Kris yelling at the others over his mistreatment and the self-indulgent part of Junmyeon is happy. He happy shoves more bread in his lil mouth and watches as Chanyeol defends himself aggressively. Kris takes a step forward, mid rant about ferret safety, lands funny on his foot and stumbles to the side. Junmyeon’s lil heart goes soft for that tall dumb ass man. 

 

Suddenly everything goes dark as Kris’s sweater is thrown over his head and he is scooped up. Junmyeon squeaks but a hand are clamped over his head silencing him through the sweater. Junmyeon is completely helpless as he is carried away from Kris and the dorm. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Junmyeons song incase anyone is wondering.   
> https://youtu.be/WUOtCLOXgm8
> 
>  
> 
> This one was for you chanyolos, i hope you didn't kill that kris photocard


	9. Junmyeon, The Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyyeeee 6 months later. here we are

Jongdae watches on as the two tallest members fight over the now smallest member. Good, he thinks, maybe they will kill each other and then I can be the tallest! At that moment he spies Nini walk past and into Sehun's room and he realises that his plan will never work. Defeated he sighs and spots some sweet bread just lying there on the table. Lol someone's loss, Jongdae gleefully thinks and plonks himself next to the table and tucks in. Eventually, Yixing appears and cuddles up next to Jongdae and steals some of the bread. They two watches and munch as Kris and Chanyeol continue to battle it out. 

“I AM THE ONE WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS FERRETS KRIS!!!” Chanyeol screams.  
“I'm the one that JUNMYEON ACTUALLY LIKES!!!” Kris yells back.  
“NAH UH HE LIKES EXO K BETTER!!!”  
Kris picks up an encyclopedia (lol pretend these dumbasses own an encyclopedia) and Chanyeol legs it. Kris, panting and furious turns back around and looks down at the table. His eyes widen not only at the lack of sweet bread but the lack of ferret. Then his eyes glance down to see Yixing feed Jongdae.  
Dammit. He can’t kick those two. These two are the best of his bunch of shitty shit heads.  
Then he realises.  
“Did you guys put Jun anywhere?”  
“OooOOOOooOOOoOoOOOOOoOOOoOohhhhh” Jongdae sings, obnoxiously well, “we calling Jun-hyung Jun now are we?” he wiggles his eyebrows  
Kris rolls his eyes, no time for this Jong-foolery, “Did you move him?”  
“We haven't touched him”  
“But that’s his bread. He was eating it.”  
“Not when we walked in. We didn’t see him.”  
Kris turns quickly scans the room. The door is locked, everything is in place, there is no sign of Junmyeon anywhere or his path. 

He’s gone. 

Fuck. 

The entire dorm is ripped apart. From the top of the bottom, every nook and cranny is searched. Kris is a panic. He feels like he can't breathe. 

Where the fuck is Junmyeon?

“What if he just popped outside for a second.” Jongin tries to rationalise, trying to put back the couch cushions. His hyung can’t be gone. No no, he needs Jun. He needs Jun-Hyung to wake him up softly and feed him spoonfuls of special rice when he’s too tired to control his own limbs. “Maybe he’s gone out to get special rice?” he asks softly.  
“No Nini….” Minseok sighs, “I don’t know how he could. The door was shut.” Minseok understands God, he wants his best friend back. Everything will fall apart without him.  
Sehun stands in the kitchen, staring at 4 empty getting mouldy yoghurt pouches that clearly missed the bin toss, due to Junmyeons bad aim. “He’s not behind the fridge!” he announces to the rest of band, broken. He needs his hyung, who else will he talk too… about everything. He needs his big brother.  
Luhan pops his head out from the laundry, “Not here either!” Luhan looks around at his band. All of them look lost, panicked and sad. They need the leader. This band functions on his energy, they feed off it, they need him to drive them forwards and keep them together. Junmyeon looks after all them. While Jun can be annoyingly preppy and bossy, that little Korean man is what EXO is. 

“He wouldn’t leave! He just wouldn’t.” Jongdae whispers, as he frantically pulls everything out of the stuff draw. Junmyeon can’t leave thinking that Jongdae hates him. He always teases his hyung but only because he loves him, loves him like a brother. Jongdae has said some mean things, but he meant none of them. He needs to tell Junmyeon, Junmyeon can’t be gone. 

“We need to find him!” Kris yells, “he could get hurt!”  
Kyungsoo comes up behind him and gives him a hug around the waist. Doing what Jun would do if he was here. Comfort. Protect. Care. Kyungsoo can’t do it. They need him. Kyungsoo needs his calm presence, even as a ferret he brought so much order to Soos little mind.  
“Its alright Kris,” He whispers, “we will find him.”  
Kris looks down at his shaking hands, he slowly clenches them into fists. “Did one of you leave the fucking door open!”  
Yixing grabs his fists, trying to prevent chaos erupting “No one did Kris! It was shut the whole time. You were there!” Kris tries to fight him, but Yixing holds on. He needs to hold this together. Yixing knows that what Junmyeon would want him to do. Step up and protect when EXO needs them most. Yixing looks behind Kris to see Kyungsoo holding on Kris with all his might, doing the exact same thing he is, doing what Junmyeon single-handedly would. They share a look before Kyungsoo looks away and tries to rub away the tears in his eyes on the back of Kris’s shirt.  
Chanyeol walks out of Jun's bedroom with tears running down his cheeks, “I- I- I- I c-c-can’t f-finnnd him. I'm I'm I'm sorry!” he cries.  
Baekhyun runs over to him and pulls him into the tightest hug, “No Yeolie it's not your fault.” As Baekhyun hugs his gentle giant, he tries to squeeze out all the doubt. The doubt that they will never find Leader Hyung, the doubt that its Chanyeol’s fault, the doubt that without him EXO will no longer exist and they lose all their friends, their family because they lost Junmyeon. EXO is their family, and their family needs Junmyeon. 

 

Minseok stares around the trashed dorm, looking for any corner that has not been searched. He looks at all his members sadly. Luhan walks back into the room, locks eyes with Minseok and shakes his head sadly. Minseok’s heart sinks. Luhan was in Tao’s room, the only room not searched.  
Tao...

TAO! 

“Hey guys where is Tao?” he asks.  
Everyone stops what they are doing.  
“Tao?” Sehun asks, now realising that one-third of their maknae trio is missing.  
Kris’ head snaps up, “What?”  
“He’s not here.” Minseok replies.  
The rest of the band start looking around for the Chinese boy.  
“Do-” Jongdae starts, “Do you think he has Jun-hyung?”  
“And not tell us? Why would he do that?” Sehun asks.

Luhan listens to the phone ring and ring and ring until the lady tells him that Tao’s phone is off “He’s not picking up.” he informs the rest of them, “He’s phone is off.”

Something shifts in the atmosphere around them, they can all feel it. 

 

Tao sprints up the stairs, holding tightly onto Kris’s sweater. “Im sorry, I’m so sorry. It’s going to be okay, Please don’t hate me. I will make this better.”

 

Kris can’t think. Why would Tao hurt Junmyeon, would he?  
“Tao wouldn’t…” Sehun tires to defend Tao. “Maybe he’s just taking Jun-Hyung for a walk?” its weak, Sehun knows it.  
They all know it.  
Deep in the darkest corner of their brain, they know Tao holds a tiny bit of resentment to the leader.  
“Why?” Baekhyun asks the room. “Why would Tao take Junmyeon, there is no reason for him too? It’s not like he’s gonna kill him or anything?”  
A jolt of electricity coursed through everyone veins, electrifying the room as soon as Baekhyun said that.  
“NO!” Jongin screams. “He wouldn’t.”  
Kyungsoo presses his face into Kris’s back and tries to stop more tears.  
Kris’ stomach falls.  
“He wouldn’t just take jun without telling us either.” Baekhyun reasons. Jongdae, who is an alarming state of white, nods.  
“You don't know that!” Sehun yells at him, “We don’t know Tao!”  
“That’s it!” Baekhyun points at him. “I know all of you uncomfortably well! But I could not tell you a fact about Tao that our fans wouldn’t know!”  
Everyone falls silent. He’s right. They might hate him for it, but Baekhyun is right.  
“But that doesn’t mean he has hurt Junmyeon,” Yixing says, firmly. Baekhyun can’t argue against that. “So let’s stop putting Tao on trail, and just find them both first. Tao could just be at the shops. He might not have Junmyeon at all.”  
Minseok nods, feeding off Yixings calmness, “Everyone, get into pairs and starts thinking about where Tao could be.”  
“Gym?”  
“Store?”  
“Internet Cafe?”  
Minseok picks up his keys and grabs Luhan's hand.  
Then Sehun screams.  
“AH!” He points at Minseok’s keys. “I KNOW HOW TO FIND THEM!” 

He runs into Junmyeons room and grabs Junmyeons phone. They all crowd in the room and with shaky hands, he unlocks Junmyeon’s phone. (The code is the date EXO debuted, the cheesy bastard).  
“What are you doing?” Jongdae asks.  
“Where is he!” Kris screams.  
Sehun looks up at them, “remember at Christmas when Jun gave is all those little square tile keyring things? Remember, he wrote our names on them! Baekhyun Hyung you thought it was a robot condom!” They all nod, including Baekhyun. Sehun continues, “He said they were good luck charms, but they are actually little trackers! He has the app to make sure he knows where we are at all times! It’s how he knows where Kris Ge’s keys are all the time!” Sehun opens the app and waits for it to load  
“He's been tracking us?!” Luhan squeaks, thinking about all the dodgy shit he has done.  
“Only in emergencies!” Sehun defends, “He told me cause… cause now I know Hyung will always be there for me.”  
“But.” Jongdae holds up Junmyeon’s keys, with his own tile on it. “but he doesn’t have his keys.”  
“No,” Baekhyun whispers, “But Tao does.”

The app finishes loading, and all 12 tiles show up on a small map. The app shows 11 of them are clustered in the building on top of each other. It also shows that the 12th tile, Tao's tile, is nearby.  
“That’s near us, maybe Tao left his keys as well.”  
“Did anyone see Tao's keys in the search?” Minseok asks they all shake their heads. 

“Maybe,” Yixing squints at the screen, “It means he is still in the building, just not in this apartment. He could be on another level? Or on the roof?” Sometimes they all go up there to drink. To laugh and just be loud.  
“Let’s check the roof.” 

 

Tao takes a deep breath. “Im sorry hyung,” he whispers, as he places a tiny rag over the ferret's mouth. Junmyeon squirms trying to avoid it but eventually falls limp in Tao's hand.  
Tao reaches into his bag and pulls out a knife with shaky hands. “I’m sorry Hyung.” he whispers again, “It wasn’t meant to be like this.” 

 

Kris is the first to break through the roof door. He quickly scans the roof and spots a shadowy figure in the corner, very close to the edge. He slowly jogs over to startle the person, until he sees the ferret on the ground until he sees the knife.  
“NO!” Kris screams. By this time the rest of the band is on the roof. Everyone runs over. 

The figure turns around, confirming everyone’s worst fear. Tao faces them, white as a sheet, panic in his eyes. 

 

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!” Kris roars striding over to him.  
Tao cowards, “Please! It’s not what it looks like!” he stands up and tries to stop Kris from coming any further. “Please don’t touch it or it won’t work!” He puts his hands on Kris’s chest, pushing him back. Kris easily shoves him to the side, as Minseok and Yixing, quickly on the scene, grab Tao away. “DON’T TOUCH IT!!! PLEASE PLEASE, IT WON’T WORK PLEASE! HE’S ALIVE! LET ME FINISH!” Tao screams, trying to fight his two hyungs. 

Kris looks down and can’t understand what Tao has done. Junmyeon lies, unmoving but breathing, in a middle of six concentric circles. The circles are made out of…. Blood? And beetles? And flowers? And salt?  
Kris turns back to Tao, “What the FUCK is this!?” he demands.  
“Its a spell!” Tao screams, “Don’t move it or it won’t work! It’s not done!”  
“Why!”  
“Cause I need to turn him back now!” Tao pleas, “Please, I won’t be able to turn him back any more!”  
“What do you mean! How do you know what to do!?”  
Tao went silent, he stopped trying to fight, “Just don’t touch it.”  
“TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE DOING FIRST!” Kris screams  
Tao flinches and his eyes start to water. “I didn’t want it to be like this.”  
Kyungsoo stepped forward, “did…. Did you…. Did you do this to Junmyeon? With- with-” he looks down at the circles, “Black magic?”  
Tears fall, “I’m sorry….” Tao whispers, “I just wanted…..”  
“What! YOU DID THIS TOO JUNMYEON!?!?” Kris screams at Tao, Tao nods, not looking at Kris. “WHY!?” Tao says nothing, just cries a bit more.  
“TELL ME TAO!” Kris steps inches away from Taos face. “WHY DID YOU CHANGE JUNMYEON INTO A FERRET!” 

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU YIFAN!!!” Tao screams back.  
Tao stares through the tears, deep into little Kris’ eyes, trying to find any of the same feelings. He sees none. 

Kris says nothing

Luhan does, “Well fuck. Tao…. buddy”  
Minseok lets Tao's dead weight fall, and Tao drops to the floor and cries.  
Yixing kneels down next to Tao and puts his arms around him and starts whispering comforting words in Chinese. And at this very exact moment, rain starts to fall.  
Kris looks down at Tao, “I- I- I don’t kno…” Kris glances over at Junmyeon, still a fucking ferret, “I love someone else, Tao.”

Tao nods, “I know. You love Jun-hyung… of course, you would. Who wouldn't? That’s why I did this.” He shrugs off Yixing crawls over to Junmyeon, he kneels in front of the circles. “I wanted Chanyeol to take Junmyeon, he loves ferrets, and then maybe, maybe you would notice me.” He wipes away tears and reaches into his bag, “But- but- you still liked him more than me, even as a ferret. You even turned down Vin Diesel for him!” He sadly shakes his head, “then I realised you really loved him, you loved him more than you could ever love me.” He pulls a knife and a squirming chameleon. “You and Vin would have had fur coats.” He holds the Chameleon above Junmyeon, “I would have followed you, we could have been Chinese superst-”  
“The fuck you doing with the snake,” Jongdae asks, interrupting Taos emotional moment  
“It's a fucking CHAMELEON YOU CUNT!” Tao yells at him. “It's for the SPELL! Blood of transforming animals to transform an ANIMAL into something else! Come ON!!”  
“No need to yell bud.” Jongdae gestures for him to continue his spiel.  
Tao sighs look back down at his spell. “Just let me fix it.”  
Once he holds the Chameleon above Junmyeon, holds the knife against the chameleon's chest, chants a couple of words that make no sense, and then slices the lizard open.  
(Nothing could prepare them for the sound of the Chameleon entrails hitting the ground and an unconscious ferret.  
Chanyeol cries. Baekhyun throws up. )

Tao takes a step back and ushers for the rest of the band to do so as well. The rain falls harder and harder and harder. Thunder rumbles. The wind picks up.  
“What's happening?!” Kris yells  
“WAIT!” Tao yells back

Then the heavens open and a massive lightning bolt crashes down, striking the ferret with a blinding light. The air is electrified with a deafening crack.  
Everyone screams just heard over the ringing in their ears. Kris runs, towards where the ferret should be. He stops short when he sees the pale, (built) naked figure of Junmyeon, curled up on his side away from Kris.  
“Jun….” he whispers. He bends down, kneeling on the wet and bloody floor and wipes Chameleon guts from his back. “Jun please wake up….” he whispers.  
“JUN HYUNG!” Sehun screams.  
“Oh god please don’t be dead.” Minseok whispers.  
Kris softly pulls Junmyeon onto his lap, turning him over to see his beautiful perfect face. Junmyeon lets out a sigh.  
Kris’s heart swells. “Oh Jun, you’re back.” Junmyeon sniffles and scrunches his face. Kris strokes his face, “Wake up Jun.”  
The band crowds around them. Most are crying. Kyungsoo is holding the Chameleon body. Yixing throws his coat over Junmyeon.  
Junmyeon slowly opens his eyes. “Yifan?” He whispers. Then his eyes shoot open, “I can speak!”  
“You’re human again Jun!”  
Junmyeon breaks into the biggest smile. He quickly sits up and pulls Kris into a big hug. “I wanted to do this for so long.” he whispers just for Kris.  
“I want you.” Kris tries to get out but the entire fucking band jumps on them.  
“JUNMYEON HYUNG!!!” Sehun screams pulling Junmyeon away from Kris and up into a hug. “I found you! I found you like you always find me!”  
Junmyeon softly smiles, “You’re so smart Sehunnie, I’m so proud of you.” Sehun grins. Presenting his forehead for a kiss, and Junmyeon indulges him.  
Kris tries to ignore that Yixings coat has now fallen off Junmyeons lap again.  
“HYUNG PLEASE FORGIVE ME!” Jongdae falls on top of him, “IM SORRY FOR EVERYTHING MEAN I SAID ABOUT YOU!” He shoves his face into his hyungs neck, “I love you!”  
“I know Dae.” Junmyeon rubs his back.  
“Stop hogging hyung!” Jongin cries out. Junmyeon reaches out around jongdae and pets Jongin’s head. Jongin starts crying again. Sehun hugs him. 

Chanyeol steps forward. “I’M ALSO SORRY FOR DROPPING YOU!” Chanyeol yells, tears still very present.  
Baekhyun nods, with a little bit of vomit on his chin, “yeah me too.”  
Junmyeon smiles at both. “It's okay guys. Thank you for keeping us all together.”  
Baekhyun holds Chanyeols hand. It's okay now. 

Yixing comes up behind Junmyeon, picking up the coat and ties his coat back around his waist, then softly kisses his cheek. “Welcome back Bunny.”  
Junmyeon grins “thanks for understanding ge."  
Minseok then walks up and pulls Junmyeon into the tightest hug. Minseok says no words, but there is no need, Junmyeon understands everything.  
Luhan then pets the leaders head and Junmyeon gives him a cute little smile. Happy to be back. Luhans happy he is back.  
Minseok pulls away after feeling a soft tap at his shoulder. He looks down to  
see Kyungsoo standing there.  
“Can I have a hug?” he asks.  
Junmyeon grins, “Of course!” he pulls Kyungsoo into the tightest hug in the world, “You're my favourite little man, soo.”  
Kyungsoo beams. 

“I’m-" Everyone turns around to see Tao standing there, covered in blood and sobbing, “I'm so sorry hyung.” he shrinks down when Junmyeon looks at him.  
Junmyeon smiles at him, a soft genuine smile. “its its alright Tao Tao. I'm not angry at you. We all do dumb things for love.” 

Luhan feels a lot of rage. At the situation. At all this bullshit. At Tao. At Junmyeon for being an aggressively perfect fucking angel.  
“what the fuc!!!-OW!" Luhan starts but is quickly cut off by Minseok grabbing his balls. Minseok gives him the /shut the fuck up look/ and Luhan does. In this moment, with all the emotions, those words felt right. 

Junmyeon walks forward and pulls Tao into a hug. Tao sobs in his hyungs arms.  
“Just… no more black magic okay Tao Tao?”  
“I promise! I promise! I promise!”  
Junmyeon holds him close and whispers that it's okay. 

“Can we go inside now?” Jongin asks  
“Please!” Junmyeon giggles, “No longer covered in fur! I'm cold!”

God, they missed him.

“Kyungsoo-ah.”  
“Mmh?"  
“leave the chameleon up here.”  
“But it's my friend!”  
“I'll be your friend instead, how does that sound.”  
“.... thanks Jun Hyung.” 

 

 

They all get back inside and disperse to find warm clothes. Kris grabs Junmyeon by the wrist and drags him into his room. He plonks Junmyeon down on his bed. He then throws his towel over Junmyeon's head and starts drying his hair. Junmyeon giggles, “I'm no longer a ferret Yifan, I can dry myself now.”  
Kris turns bright red, “ah Haha yeah um sorry, yeah" he pulls his hands away. 

Junmyeon smiles softly up at dumb kris from underneath the blanket, still mostly naked and gorgeous. Kris’ heart flutters. Kris turns around to hide his face and pulls out his warmest sweatpants and fluffiest hoodie. He passes them to Junmyeon who wastes no time pulling the hoodie over his head and cuddles himself up in it. Then he pulls the way to long pants on and starts laughing at the absolute ridiculous fit.  
“Ah! Sorry I should have probably got you your clothes.” Kris feels dumb.  
Junmyeon shuffles up to him, completely swamped in clothes, and hugs Kris tight around the middle. He takes a deep breath, “I like your clothes better.” he sighs. “Thank you for looking after me Yifan.” he whispers softly into Kris' chest. Kris wraps his arms around Junmyeon, his gay rainbow heart exploding with gay emotions. Junmyeon looks up at Kris, not leaving his embrace.  
“I was so small and scared as a ferret, but you protected me. Thank you.” Junmyeon stands on his tip toes, and gives Kris a kiss on the nose, just as he did many times as a ferret. Kris melts. 

“Ah it was no problem, anytime.” That was all Kris could come up with. He feels so dumb.  
Junmyeon let's out a little huff, and ever so slightly rolls his eyes. “Your dumb and emotionally stunted Yifan."  
“Hey!”  
Junmyeon continues, “but that's okay because I love you.” a blush appears on his cheeks, which he tries to hide in Kris' chest.  
Yifan doesn't know what to say. With Junmyeons confession bouncing around in his head and filling his heart, he drops his head and kisses Junmyeon on the top of his head.  
“I-I love you too.” he manages to get out in one piece.  
Junmyeon looks up at him, determination and love in his eyes, “then kiss me properly, you coward!”  
And Kris does, with all the grace and romanticism of a giraffe licking peanut butter off a pole.  
But Junmyeon doesn't mind, in fact, he kinda likes it. (He really is an angel)


End file.
